Anna was in command in this photograph, I thought, and I was surprised to feel a strong wave of caring for her. She looked healthy. Smiling. Engaged. This wasn’t a mentally ill woman. But then I remembered the blood dripping from the ax blade. Something must have gone terribly wrong for her, or with her. I wondered for the first time if whatever mental illness had brought Anna down might have also taken her life. Was that why no other information existed about her? She’d been a talented artist. Talented artists didn’t just disappear. If she died—or killed herself—that would explain why no one had ever heard of her again.

It was nearly closing time in the library. I found the librarian, who helped me get a copy of the photograph from the obstinate microfilm reader, then gathered up my things and headed to an AA meeting, where the main topic was making amends for however we screwed up while drinking. I found my palms sweating during the discussion. If I could manage to track down Emily Maxwell, would I ever have the courage to actually speak to her? The thought absolutely terrified me. I wanted to know how she was. I wanted to find her through the impersonal vehicle of my computer. But communicate with her? I didn’t think I had the guts.

She was still on my mind when I crawled into bed that night. I stared at the dark ceiling, wondering if Emily might be awake as well, and if she was, was she in terrible pain? Was she cursing my name?

I was free, my biggest physical complaint my aching shoulders from my fifty-thousand-dollar job. I doubted that Emily Maxwell would ever again know such physical freedom.

I curled up in a ball on my bed, remembering how I’d gotten into my car with Trey. We’d been laughing hard, at what, I couldn’t remember. I’d been so drunk I’d caught my scarf in the door and had trouble remembering how to open the door to free it. I didn’t deserve to be out of prison. I didn’t deserve fifty thousand dollars. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to forgive myself for what we’d done to that innocent girl.

Chapter 24. Anna

Chapter 24

ANNA

January 10, 1940