They never quarreled, but sometimes he looked at her, unhappy and disappointed. When he did, she felt glad, and was both shocked and proud at the feeling, for it seemed to keep Adam alive for her. She was in essence saying to Adam: I am true to you. And then again, she would observe James in his uncertainty that made him awkward, and feel sorry for him, but not enough to change the way she behaved toward him.

Doreen was out of her depth during this time, for while a part of her exulted over the fact that Rachel was no more wife to James than she was—indeed not as much, since Doreen did so many things to make his life agreeable and comfortable—still, another part of her wept to witness his discontent and lack of fulfillment.

Edna brooded, but she knew that, for once, she must keep silent.

On Christmas Eve both families traveled into Highboro in various equipages to attend services at St. Thomas’s. In the church, lighted by a hundred candles, there was a hushed, expectant feeling as the congregation gathered. Leon sat in his pew with Sarah and Nell and Penelope. Selma sat upstairs with Pauline. In the Davis pew directly in front of the Kendricks’, Bruce sat with Edna on his right, and Edna with Doreen on hers. Next to Doreen, Rachel sat with James. Rachel wore a calm “church” expression, doing what was required of her, but seeming detached from the event and from those beside and around her.

However, when the choir began to sing, her attention came back from exile to the present moment. She smelled the pine boughs and burning candles. She felt the presence of the people around her. It was as though she had been long away and was now come home. Here they were, beside her, behind her, those she loved. They had waited for her. The choir sang:

“Silent night, holy night,

All is calm, all is bright

Round yon Virgin Mother and Child

Holy Infant so tender and mild,

Sleep in heavenly peace,

Sleep in heavenly peace.”

As the pure, sweet sound of the words and music flooded her being, Rachel let Adam go. She gave no voice to her feeling, but tears filled her eyes, and she reached blindly for James. And James was there.

PART SEVEN

1861

1

The weather was rainy that winter, with many suffering from colds and worse, but Sarah and Edna contrived to pick a clement day early in January to clean and tend their family graves.