Peg noticed her melancholy mood of the past few days and asked her what was wrong. When Nem confided her friend was very ill, she replied, “Well, let me contact her mom and find out. I’m sure she’ll be okay.”

Nem stood by her side, fighting tears, as Peg made the call.

Don’t worry, Lacy will be fine, she kept telling herself, until the color faded from Peg’s face. She kept repeating, “Oh no, so sorry,” to whatever Lacy’s mom was saying. That’s when Nem knew, even before she put down the phone and turned to her. Tears glistened at the corners of her new mom’s eyes.

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry, it’s terrible news. At the beginning of summer break your friend couldn’t stop vomiting. She had a headache for days, so they rushed her to the hospital. After lots of tests they found a tumor. Inoperable. So, so, so sad. That poor family. I told her if we can do anything, just call. They said if you want to visit at the hospital, you’re welcome. Might help cheer her, although sometimes she has bad days and doesn’t talk much.”

Peg pushed a palm against her chest and caught her breath. The threatening tears spilled out and ran down her cheeks. She pulled Nem to her and held her in a warm embrace.

“This is a huge, terrible thing to experience at your age. Might be nice though if you go visit. Let her know you care. Every little bit helps.”

A tightening in Nem’s throat made it difficult for her to answer. She wondered if she was sick too. Her head felt heavy and filled with cotton balls; Peg’s voice, muffled and distant, barely registered in her conscious mind.

She’d wanted Lacy punished, but not this. Her foolish hope had been Peg and Ray won the lottery by pure chance, that just this time the book didn’t need to balance luck. In that moment, she hated the little pluses and minuses. They were out of control; the randomness the danger. Hideous, terrible, little marks that didn’t care about anyone or about justice.

But that wasn’t completely true. She, as well as the diary, had made Lacy sick. Her temper boiling over caused this, and now a girl who didn’t deserve to die would suffer a shocking fate. Her family would keep the money and she must live with what had been set in motion by her lack of control.

* * *

Nem never did visit Lacy. Three days later Peg greeted her at the doorstep upon her arrival home from school. For this news, no iced tea, just a glass of water and a cookie.

“I’m sorry,” she said with a hug. “Her mom called earlier. Lacy just closed her eyes and was gone. Thank God it was peaceful. Maybe for the best you didn’t see your friend so sick. You can remember her how she was.”

But Nem did see her.

Every night in her mind’s eye, and in her nightmares. For a long time she saw Lacy’s face contorted in pain and staring at her, angry and unforgiving. She wondered if the guilt would ever lift or would she spend the rest of her life feeling as though she wore a jacket made of lead.