Marjorie wasn’t the type of person to keep records, and certainly not of her period. So it was only when she thought about it for a really long time that she realised she might be a little late. She’d had her last period while she was out of work, she’d now been in work a month, and when she really drilled down she remembered she’d been at a dinner party and run out of tampons. She had to ask her host for tampons but the woman only used panty pads, which felt like bricks in her pants and made for a very uncomfortable evening. She had the invite on her computer. She got home and opened up her email and she realised her period was nearly three weeks late. Fucking menopause! She looked up menopause and frightened ten kinds of shite out of herself. Period stops. Check. Mood swings. She’d called her mother a bitch at dinner. Check. Night sweats. Not yet. Vaginal dryness. Oh, sweet suffering Jesus. It was only the start, she wouldn’t experience a lot of that until they’d stopped for a year. She had time to get her head around it. She had been feeling tired and reaching for more sweet things, which wasn’t like her. She didn’t feel like she was putting on weight, but having said that the new outfits she bought for work were feeling a tiny bit snug. She resolved to go to the doctor and get tested. She might as well know if she had any eggs left in the box, and there was always HRT. There’s no way she was going through it alone.

She made the appointment for two weeks after that, hoping that she might have a period in the meantime. Nothing. Zip. It’s menopause. Shit. She walked into the doctor’s office and explained her symptoms, following up with, ‘My mother’s started at forty and I’m forty-two.’

‘Right.’

‘And there’s no chance you could be pregnant?’

‘Excuse me?’

‘You haven’t had unprotected sex in the recent past?’

‘Um . . . eh . . . well . . . yeah, there was once, there a while ago.’

‘How long ago?’

‘About six weeks.’

‘And your last period was eight weeks ago?’

‘Thereabouts,’ she said.

‘And you haven’t taken a pregnancy test?’

‘No. I didn’t even consider that. I tried to conceive for a long time. Didn’t work.’

The doctor looked at her like she was an insane person.

She went to the bathroom and peed on a stick the doctor gave her. She returned to the room with the stick under her top.

‘Keeping it warm?’ the doctor said when she failed to remove it.

‘No, just not sure I’m prepared for what it says.’

‘I can take a look if you like?’

‘OK.’ She handed it to her.