If she hadn’t ended up pregnant and been willing to accept my half-assed proposition of taking this slow, I would never have gotten to experience this type of intimacy with her. The moments I’m sure some people take for granted because they are so routine they seem inconsequential. Like standing next to your person brushing your teeth or having a cup of coffee in the morning talking about your plans for the day. Moments that I look forward to every day because they are filled with her presence and the peace that she brought into my life.

CHAPTER 24

Dayton

I always thought that I had a monster that lived within me just under the surface of my skin, but as I listen to Charles Feller tell the story of the day he murdered Alice in cold blood, I know I was wrong. I did what I had to in order to survive. He killed because he had seen Alice and had become obsessed with the idea of having her, and since he knew that she would want nothing to do with him, he decided to take what he wanted.

The morning of her murder, he watched Greg leave for work, and then, not long after that, he saw Greg’s mother pull up, only to leave a few minutes later with her grandson. It was the first time in all the months that he had been watching Alice that he knew for certain that she was alone. Realizing that it might be his only opportunity, he went over to her apartment, knocked, and when she opened the door, he asked if he could borrow a couple of eggs or something else; with the years that passed, he doesn’t remember the details.

Being Alice, she said yes and left him at the door, but he followed her inside. He could tell that she was nervous having him in the house with her, so he played it cool at first in an attempt to get her to let her guard down, but she was so freaked that she asked him to leave. It was then that the switch was flipped. He knew that if he left, he’d never have her, so he grabbed the closest thing he could use as a weapon, which was one of the knives from the butcher block on the counter, and used it in an attempt to get her to agree to have sex with him. Instead of being compliant, she tried to get away, and that was when he attacked. He stabbed her one time in the back, which slowed her down, allowing him to get on top of her and undo the button of her jeans. And realizing his intent, she fought harder against him. At that point, he claims he blacked out, and when he came to, he was on top of her, the knife was broken, and it was obvious that she was dead.