“In just a couple of weeks, we have the appointment where we will find out what we are having.”

“What do you want, a boy or a girl?”

“I don’t know.” I roam my eyes over his face and try to picture what our baby might look like. I wonder if it’s a boy if he will have his eyes and hair or if it’s a girl if she will be blessed with his long, thick lashes. “What do you want?”

“As long as they are healthy, I don’t care.”

“Me either.” I reach out and slide his hair off his forehead where it’s fallen. “I hope that they are as adorable as Rowen,” I tell him, and his face gets soft.

Having never babysat before, I was a little nervous about watching Rowen this evening, but from the moment Clay and Willow left to go to dinner, Dayton and I just kind of fell in sync. We fed him dinner, played with him, and then got him ready for bed before Dayton put him to sleep. I’m sure doing that every day will be exhausting and that no two days will ever be the same. But it gave me a tiny glimpse of what it will be like when we are parents, and I have no doubt that he’s going to be not just a great dad but a great partner.

“I’m going to have my brothers come over in the next few weeks and help me clean out the guest room so that we can start setting it up and getting it ready for the baby.” My heart starts to pound. “I figured we can get the crib and stuff now, then decorate when we know if it’s a boy or a girl.” Oh god, I feel lightheaded. “What’s wrong?” I focus on him and not the sound of blood rushing to my ears and find his brows drawn together.

“I don’t know. I mean, I love that idea, but I don’t live here and…”

“But they will be here.” He says softly cutting me off then continues gently. “And as their dad, I want them to have a space here.”

“Of course.” I agree with my heart feeling heavy because I want to be here too. I want to be part of that plan, but part of me is still terrified that we are moving way too quickly and this bubble that we are living in right now is going to burst and… And if that happens, I will be right back where I was when I left Matthew—living in my studio trying to figure out who I am and what I’m doing. Only I’ll be doing that with a baby that I share custody of with him and absolutely heartbroken because I have never felt about another person the way I feel about him.