“Are you happy at least?” Lee asks.

I’m thinking about the bus again and the past few weeks of rehearsals when the elevator doors part. My eyes open and instantly lock onto the curves on the far side of the room. Remi’s showing Dev how to hook up the mic pack we’ll all be using while recording the documentary. Since she met with the execs earlier, she has on a cap-sleeved black blazer and pinstriped pants that flare at her ankles. Business at first glance, but the ripped graphic tee peeks through the opening of her blazer, and whenever she steps, crimson toenails and a toe ring flash. All the rebellion simmering just below the surface.

The muscles of my jaw work beneath the skin as I follow Lee off the elevator. “As close as I can be.”

Lee crosses to the window overlooking the building’s main parking. The other luxury tour bus sits below. No faces or specific branding on this one other than the same black and red. I trace my finger over the glass, following one of the lines on the bus.

“Close is good enough so long as you act like you’re in heaven every time that camera lands on you.” Lee folds her arms. Very serious. “The label ate up all the shit about throwbacks, and now…”

Now I spend four months on the road, sleeping on a cot rather than in hotels. No personal space, the combined stench of the entire band, and no more than twenty feet from the worst thing I ever let into my life.

I drop my hand and rotate enough it looks like I’m talking to Lee, but my full attention swings toward the other side of the room again. Felix is fucking with one of the handheld cams, not listening to Remi’s tutorial.

“Just remember,” Lee whispers, her body a wall between me and the others, “happy or not, this is what you wanted. It might not have come about the way you thought it would, but you need to live with the consequences.”

It is what I wanted when I chased her down and begged on my fucking knees, swearing to her I knew I was meant for this. I still know it. Even the idea of being on that stage, me and the crowd, is the only thing that settles me. The only place I’ve always wanted to be—sweat dripping, air pulsing, and adrenaline pounding.

“I’ve got this,” I tell her. I even manage to drag my attention from Remi to look her in the eye. “Although if you’re concerned with someone acting out, this is a conversation you need to be having with Felix, not me.”

Lee hesitates a little, checking over her shoulder toward my bandmates. “Maybe. But Felix isn’t the golden boy.”