PLAYLIST

“You’re Somebody Else”—flora cash

“meant to be”—bbno$

“Dazed & Confused”—Ruel

“Bad Liar”—Selena Gomez

“Hesitate”—Golden Vessel

“Haunt You”—Social House

“The Archer”—Taylor Swift

“IDK You Yet—Alexander 23

“My Oasis—Sam Smith

“I Fall Apart”—Post Malone

“I Think I’m OKAY”—MGK

“The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows”—Brand New

“Sign of the Times”—Harry Styles

“Good Things Fall Apart”—ILLENIUM

“Fade Into You”—Mazzy Star

Find the entire playlist on Spotify

CONTENT NOTE

Before Now contains topics that may be upsetting for some readers. Please read with care.

On page: sexually explicit content, vulgar language, domestic violence, death of loved one, threats of rape and sexual assault, mental illness, drug and alcohol use, addiction, abuse of power

Off page: child abuse, cheating (not between MCs), physical assault

Dedication

For those who bend when they want you to break.

1

REMI

The shrill screams from outside the venue cut off when the heavy metal door slams behind me. I force a deep breath, regaining my cool after shoving through the group of women camped outside the back exit to the arena.

I glance over my shoulder at the guard who followed me inside, leaving the other to deal with the fans. He’s in an all-black T-shirt with Security sprawled on the back in white with the Czech translation above it. His eyes sweep over me before he juts his chin in the opposite direction.

As I turn, he dodges around me and starts down the long, narrow hallway. I shadow behind him, rechecking my phone. The video has been pulled up and ready to go the other twelve times I’ve looked since leaving the hotel, but I need something to focus on. A distraction from the nerves that accompany the soft thump of bass, growing louder with every passing second.

Once we turn a corner, a few people are rushing around the corridor, some carrying flashlights and others with cables and gear.

This is my first time backstage during a concert. I always imagined it would be busier, though I guess people are already where they need to be by now—keeping the show going with lights and sound.

I’m watching a tech fast-change batteries in a radio when we stop in front of another guy with an earpiece. The guard at my side lifts the shoulder closest to me. “She’s for the band.”

I glare up at him for making it sound like I’m for the band, but he just smirks and shrugs.

“My English,” he says in his thick accent, “it’s not always perfect.”

He stalks back in the direction we came, and the man he left me with chuckles.

“He’s a dick,” my new keeper says, a bit of a southern drawl sneaking through. His attention follows the other guy a little longer before it drops to me. “You’re the documentary director meeting Christian?”