“As you said, it is not a date. And I need a car for where I want to take you.” I round Dad’s emergencies-only ancient Buick, which is parked on the street. I shove my version of picnic food into the trunk.

There’s a Dom-shaped cloud above our heads, but neither of us acknowledges it. I think we’re both asking ourselves the same questions—what would he have thought about this scene if he were alive? Would he hate that we’re together, even as friends? Is what we’re doing wrong? Bad? Immoral? Should we even care?

Joe cares either way. He cares, because in some sense, he will always be his big brother’s shoulder to lean on. The strong one. The one who gave up things so that Dom could have them.

Joe flicks his half-smoked cigarette sideways. “I know what you’re thinking. There’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing right now.”

My gaze swings to him, and I bet my eyes are full of shock. “I just don’t want you to regret this.”

I slide into the driver’s seat. He takes the passenger seat and buckles up. “I’m never going to regret you.”

“How are you handling things?” I ask, clearing my throat.

“Some days are better than others. But the bad days are getting to be few and far between. I go to therapy, because . . . well, why the fuck not? All the cool kids are doing it now. And I live my life the way I think Dom would have wanted me to. I think that’s the best we can do under the circumstances. Not let death dictate life for the living. What about you?”

I signal out of my parking spot and slide into traffic. “Yeah. I try to live my life the way Mom wanted me to. Or at least, I’m getting there. I still think about Dom all the time, but it no longer feels like someone is stabbing my lungs every time I try to breathe.” I feel a little guilty admitting that. “Are you in touch with Sarah at all?”

Joe’s lips press together into a hard line. He looks out the window. “Kind of. She is dating a new guy. Rich. A medical consultant. Who the hell can blame her? It’s not like Dom was faithful. She doesn’t have to play the devoted-girlfriend role. She gets a free pass.”

Unsure if this rule applies only to Sarah or to me, I simply hmm.

And what about me? I want to scream.