For my twenty-fifth birthday, my family throws me a Halloween-themed bash, even though it’s June. Donna invites Dylan and Ashton, whom I’ve met numerous times at this point. Renn gifts me a Malibu surfboard. Handcrafted and designed in goth themes, “Because you suck and need a beginner’s surfboard, and because I love you enough to be honest with you about it.”

It is the first personalized gift he’s given me in six years, and I am so touched I don’t give him smack for his sass.

Donna gets me a full hardcover collection of Jane Austen’s classics.

Dad gets me two tickets to see a band I stopped listening to at age sixteen, but at least he tried.

I wait for a message from Joe all day. When one doesn’t arrive, I decide to message him. I can’t help myself. I miss him so much. It doesn’t seem to get any better either. Like the memory of Dom, or even Mom.

And it’s not just about me. I’m also worried about him. Yes, he is self-sufficient—has been his entire life—but he has just lost his brother, and I didn’t make matters much better.

Ever: It’s my twenty-fifth birthday today. How do you deal with celebrations after Dom?

When he doesn’t answer, I send another text, knowing that I’m teetering on the line of unhinged.

Ever: Sometimes I think about you so much I can’t sleep at night. Please tell me you’re okay.

He answers after a beat. I’m OK. Happy Birthday, E.

My heart beats so fast I feel like I’m about to throw up. He answered. It’s not much, but it’s workable.

He is also hugging brunettes all over Salem and wants nothing to do with you or your friends, I remind myself smartly.

Ever: Are you writing?

Joe: You know the answer to that question.

Ever: Are you feeling better?

Joe: See last answer.

Ever: When’s your birthday? You never told me.

He is going to turn twenty-six soon. I remember he is almost exactly a year older.

Joe: August 10th.

Ever: What can I get for you?

Joe: A fucking spine for yourself?

Unbelievably, I’m encouraged by what I see, not horrified by the dig.

Ever: I don’t think a spine would help. I figured you wanted nothing to do with me, considering what we’ve been through.

Joe: Your logic works in mysterious ways. What Dom wanted and didn’t want doesn’t matter now. He is not here, so we can’t hurt him.

Joe: I told you. I warned you. Don’t break my heart again. You did.