i’m out here on E … don’t know how i’ma pay dis weeks rent … spoke ta Kat again. she said Tender fuckin’ wit Q real heavy … and ain’t got no time fa nuttin’ else … she said she wuz gonna send me some loot … western union … don’t really like ta depend on her … but whut can i do??? … finally called Kat’z peepz … Nikko … she pose ta cum up here and take me ta dis strip club in da Bronx ….

… Nikko jus as bad as Kat … dem bitches sorta look alike too … she be puttin’ pressure on me ’bout da paper i’m makin’ … here we go again …

… been readin’ da bible alot lately … and gettin’ high … dat’s all i been doin’ … besides strippin’ … been goin’ on alota dates too … Nikko puttin’ me up to it … Can’t believe what i just did??? i filmed a porno movie … my mother must be turnin over ina grave right now … can’t believe it … gettin’ tireda livin’ like dis … dis ain’t a life fa nobody … i’m ready ta go … ready ta die ….

The last entry was a note addressed to Tender.

if you’re readin’ these lines then dat means i’m dead & gone. Yeah, i kilt myself, put myself outta my misery … Please, Tender don’t cry fa me … I took my own life. I accept my fate, whateva it maybe. I couldn’t go on livin’ like dat … dat can’t be life!!! … now, I hope you see what I wuz goin’ through … I couldn’t tell you da things I really felt you should know ’bout me or Kat. My hands were tied behind my back … Kat knew too much and she always threw it up in my face … but outta all people I neva thought you would turn ya back on me. Why Tender? Thought we wuz fam? U said dat U was gonna help me … instead u hurt me more than you’ll eva know … i wouldna guess u wuz really like dat … guess absence don’t really make da heart grow fonda afta all … wit u it wuz outta sight outta mind … they say you neva really know a person till you live wit ’em or get in trouble wit ’em … then da real them comes out … dat’s da God’s honest truth … u showed ya tru colors when i need u da most … a friend in need iz a friend indeed … hope u & Q r happy … thanks fa nuttin’ … enjoy ya life!!!

4eva ya dog
Goldie

Tender decided not to go to the club today for two reasons. One was out of respect to Goldie. The other was to lay in wait on Kat. She had to come home sooner or later. And when she did, Tender planned on being right there waiting. It was time they had a little talk.

CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER
18