‘it’s new year’s day … so whut … big deal … las year wuz da worst year of my life … you aready know why … i doubt if dis year be any different … i gotta get outta here … i can’t take no mo’ … seem like dis bitch Kat gettin’ worster by da day … she think she da shit … dat bitch …

… tanite i got jumped at da club cause of Kat … they really wanted her … but dat bitch just dropped me off and kept goin’ ’bout her bizness … i always new her mouf wuz gonna get us in trouble …

… i tried exstacy fa da first time … Kat gave it ta me … she didn’t tell what it was till afta … Dat shit made me feel good … i up in da club dancin’ my azz off … i like dat shit … it’s da best thing Kat eva did fa me ….

As Tender read, her anger grew. Rage bubbled inside her. She couldn’t believe that Kat got Goldie hooked on drugs. It was just another way of keeping her in line. Things were getting stranger by the minute.

… Kat found anotha stray kitten … Her name Tonya but we renamed her Tender … hope she don’t do her dirty too … yeah, right who am i kiddin’? … it’s in her nature … anyway da girl seemed ta be nice … Can’t get too close ta her though … member what happened last time i thought somebody wuz my friend … gotta figure out a way ta tell her … what da real deal iz … can’t let it go down like dat again …

… woke up last nite ina cold sweat … keep havin’ these bad dreams … they won’t go away … it’s bad enuff i gotta live with what i did … now i gotta sleep wit it too … When iz it gonna stop???

Tender scanned through a few pages. From what she could see it was more of the same. Reading it was depressing; she couldn’t imagine how Goldie was actually feeling at the time.

… i’m in N.Y.C. now … on da run cause da police r lookin’ fa me …. Don’t really like it here … but what choice do i hav … either dis or jail … Livin’ in sum roomin’ house in Mt. Vernon … seem like sumthin’ bad always happenin’ ta me … why? … dat shit ain’t fair …

… tried ta call Tender taday … Kat picked up … said Tender don’t fuck wit me like dat no more!! … can’t believe she turned her back on me like dat … i know ima deadman now!!! … Kat ain’t gonna do nuttin’ fa me … She wuz my only hope …

… been gettin’ high as a muthafucka lately … gotta admit i’m addicted … i luv da way xstacy makes me feel … even though it jus cost me my job at a club … i’m slippin’ … passed out in da club … fuck it …

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