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Chapters (9)
  1. Cover
  2. Title
  3. Introduction
  4. Act One
  5. Act Two
  6. Also By Irvine Welsh
  7. About the Authors
  8. About the Book
  9. Copyright

Philomena    Oh Raymond, Bert, please . . . I know I’ve been bad, but we all have. It’s this place . . . it’s like poor Charlie says, it’s evil. And now they’ve locked us in . . . what will become of us . . .?

Raymond and Bert look at each other.

Philomena    And my poor, poor Charlie . . . us ruining each other won’t bring him back, now will it? What’s to be gained from it all? We . . . what we need to do is stick together.

Bert thinks. Raymond stares at Philomena.

Bert    She’s right though, Ray, we’re all to blame. We all gotta come clean here. And we do need to stick together now. We’re locked up here, like you said, Ray, like fucken animals. It’s us against those cocksuckers. Dwarfs don’t have it easy, ever. Look how Charlie ended up, chrissakes.

Raymond    None of us are blameless, but we have to remember that Charles did take his own life.

Philomena    Which is a sin. (Crosses herself, looking upwards.) I’m sorry to speak ill of you, Charlie, but it is a sin to take the life that the Lord gave you.

Bert    But what a shitty life the poor little fucker had. What a fucken shitty dwarf life –

Raymond    Charles’s problem wasn’t his lack of inches. It was –

Philomena    The other thing?

Raymond    . . . his thin skin.

Bert (to Philomena)     What other thing? (To Raymond.) Whadaya mean, thin skin? The skin around his asshole?

Raymond    No! For heaven’s sake, Kowalski, look outside. As bad as it is here, it’s worse out there. People are struggling. Roosevelt’s doing the best he can, but frankly . . . people are struggling to survive.

Bert    You don’t need to tell me that, Ray. I been out there, you know. I gotta go back out there again . . . if these big pricks . . .

He launches at the door.

OPEN THIS FUCKEN DOOR!

He bangs on it hard again, but there is no response. He turns and looks to a sheepish Philomena.

What other thing? What did you mean?

Raymond    Some of them, the thin-skinned ones, the born victims, they just go to the wall. And it doesn’t matter what height you are; it’s the stuff you are made of. If you are weak, then you will go down.

Bert    Sure you will, especially if you got a faggot rapist up your ass. (To Philomena.) What other thing, dammit?

Philomena    Charles was an angel. He had none of the boy things. The bits that boy’s have.

Bert    You mean he was a broad? You trying to tell me that Charlie was a fucken broad? You’re fucken shittin! Charlie had a twat?

Philomena    I . . . Charles was . . . he was an angel.

Raymond    He was no angel, you stupid girl! My God, look at you, you thieving, whoring little ignoramus!

Philomena looks briefly tearful, then screws her face up in a malicious defiance. Raymond shakes his head disdainfully.