Raymond starts to open the envelope again. Charles moves over to Raymond.

Charles    Um, maybe Mr Kowalski’s right about –

Raymond    Charles, this is between me and the missing Mr Kinsella. Who, if we’re being realistic, might never show . . . there are more unprofessional small people out there than you could ever dream of.

Bert    You don’t even know he’s an unprofessional midget, Ray. Anything could o’ happened to the little guy. Culver’s a big city. He could o’ got lost. Even giants get lost in Hollywood, Ray.

Charles    Bert has got a point, Raymond.

Raymond    You’re an authority on who gets lost and who doesn’t get lost in Hollywood now, Charles?

Charles    I, huh –

Bert    Kid’s got a point.

Raymond    You’re an aficionado now, Charles?

Charles    I wasn’t trying to –

Raymond    Then don’t.

Bert    Kid’s just cautious, Ray.

Raymond    Raymond and/or Benedict-Porter for the last time, Kowalski!

Bert    Kid’s entitled to be cautious. Ain’t nothing untoward going on, eh, uh, Charlie?

Raymond    I’ve said I’ll take full responsibility.

Raymond pulls out a sheet of paper from the envelope and reads it. His expression slowly turns to one of shock, then anger and finally rage.

Charles    . . . What is it, Raymond?

Raymond shoves the paper into Charles’s hand and storms over to the chair, puts it near the telephone and climbs up. Bert takes the sheet of paper from Charles, reads it and laughs out loud. Charles stands over Bert’s shoulder.

Charles    . . . Oh dear, he thought he was going to be the Mayor of Munchkinland.

Bert    Looks like he’s gonna have to settle on being third Munchkin soldier from the left . . . plays his cards right, they might elect him one day!

Raymond (into phone)     . . . Desk? . . . put me through to Mr LeRoy, this is Mr Raymond Benedict-Porter. (Long pause.) . . . Oh, I see . . . (Furtively putting his hand over the mouthpiece.) . . . Yes of course, of course I’ll hold.

Charles    . . . Mr Kinsella’s going to be one of the Lullaby League.

Bert    . . . Had my heart set on being the Coroner.

Charles    I suppose being a Munchkin baby isn’t too bad, considering.

Bert    Maybe you get to suck on some Munchkin titties.

Charles    Oh dear. You don’t think –

Bert    Ray’d give his high teeth to be a Munchkin baby right now, Charlie.

Raymond (shoots a disgusted pout at Bert then speaks into phone)     Ah, Mr LeRoy . . . Mervyn . . . Raymond Benedict-Porter . . . Fine, fine, and you? . . . Oh, good, good . . . Oh yes, yes, and it was a pleasure working with you, Mervyn . . . I hate to bother you . . .

Charles – frowning – and Bert – shaking his head – watch Raymond’s performance on the telephone.

Raymond    . . . but ah, I’ve just received my call sheet . . . That’s right, ah, there seems to be a little mistake, well, more of an oversight . . . Do you happen to have your call sheets handy perchance?