Raymond    It’s impossible for one to keep track of all one’s appearances, Mr Kowalski. I’m sure you’d understand if you were as in demand.

Bert    I’m sure I would.

Raymond    Yes.

Bert    Sure.

Charles    I’ve always wanted to see a Californian redwood. There are trees so big that they’ve been hollowed out so that motor cars can drive through them. I would doubt that Wichita is a heavily forested area though, eh, Bert?

Bert    Maybe not so many trees in Wichita, Charlie, but there’s a hell of a lot o’ skeletons rattling in closets.

Bert glares at Raymond. Raymond wanders about the room. A large envelope is slid under the door. Nobody notices.

Raymond    . . . I promise you’ll be the first to know if my memory recalls anything pertaining to Wichita in ’twenty-nine, Mr Kowalski.

Suddenly Charles catches sight of the large envelope. He goes over and picks it up.

Charles    . . . It’s addressed to Kowalski, Merryweather, Benedict-Porter and Kinsella. I think Kinsella might well be our missing Munchkin.

Raymond    Obviously.

Raymond takes the envelope out of Charles’s hand and starts to open it.

Bert    Don’t you think we should maybe wait for Kinsella, Ray?

Raymond    Kinsella might never show up.

Bert    You don’t think?

Raymond    It could happen.

Bert    That Kinsella won’t show?

Raymond    No. Kinsella might show. There’s also a possibility that Kinsella won’t show.

Bert    You know these things, uh?

Raymond    Look –

Bert    Go ahead, you were saying, Ray.

Raymond    I was, I was saying it could be important – this letter – and for the umpteenth time it’s Raymond and/ or Benedict-Porter.

Bert    If it were important the desk would o’ called. It ain’t professional opening other midgets’ mail. Besides, Kinsella might be one of those touchy midgets that get real pissed if they think they’re getting left out. You know the sort, Ray.

Raymond    I don’t know ‘the sort’.

Bert    Sure you do: uppity fucken midgets.

Raymond    I really can’t see what harm it would do.

Charles    I think Raymond’s right, Bert. I’m sure Mr Kinsella would realise we’re only –

Bert    You know Kinsella, Charlie?

Charles    No, we’ve never, obviously not . . . but –

Bert    For all you, me, Ray there, all we know Kinsella’s a real cranky evil little sonofabitch. Think about it, Charlie, you’re gonna be sharing a room with him for weeks, you don’t wanna be making enemies with dwarfs you don’t even know yet.

Raymond    I’ll take full responsibility if Mr Kinsella finds the gesture untoward.

Bert     Untoward?

Raymond    That’s what I said.

Bert    I heard you: you’re saying untoward.

Raymond    Correct.

Bert    OK.

Raymond    There’s no harm.

Charles    Can I just –

Bert    No harm, uh? Nothing untoward, right?

Charles    Please, Mr –

Bert    Call me Bert.

Charles    Mr Kowalski, I’m trying to . . . look . . .