Bert    Maybe Charlie’s on a tight budget. Tight budgets all the rage round here. Maybe Charlie wants to be all the rage. Tight fucken budgets! Makes you wanna turn to drink, uh, Ray?

Raymond gets Bert’s hint and tops up the glasses. Bert looks over at the fourth bed and finishes off his whisky.

Bert    Wonder where the missing Munchkin is.

Charles    So was I. I was wondering.

Raymond     Assuming it is a small person.

Pause.

Charles    Oh . . . you don’t, you don’t think they’d put a big person in here with us, do you, Raymond?

Raymond    A big person?

Charles    Yes, you know, a, a –

Bert    A regular guy. You mean a regular guy, right, Charlie?

Raymond    Does that worry you, Charles?

Bert    Does it, Charlie? It worries you?

Charles    Well, ah, I don’t, I mean. It would make more sense to keep us all together, wouldn’t it? I just thought we’d all be Munchkins in here together.

Raymond    No no no, there’s definitely a note of anxiety in your voice. You’re worried, aren’t you?

Charles    I’m not worried, I just feel, I’ve nothing against big people, I know lots of big people and I’m not worried. I just, well, I suppose it makes sense. I suppose, what I, what I’m trying to –

Bert    Don’t sweat it, Charlie. This is Munchkin central. There’s gonna be no integration. Two hundred midgets under the same roof. They gotta be able to keep an eye on us. Can’t have midgets running riot around Culver City. Bad for publicity.

Charles    Yes, yes you’re right, it makes sense . . .

Raymond    I can’t imagine what on earth you’d have to fear from big people, Charles. Some of the kindest people I’ve ever met have been of regular stature.

Bert    Biggest heels I met been big people. Condescending cocksuckers. This gig ain’t gonna be any different . . .

Charles    . . . they’ll always know where the Munchkins are.

Bert    . . . beats the fucken soup kitchen though. Just about beats the soup kitchen and there’s very little in it you wanna know the truth.

Raymond    I wouldn’t know.

Charles    If we’re all under the same roof it makes sense.

Raymond    I have to disagree with you, Mr Kowalski: soup kitchens? Please! I believe this picture will be a resounding success. Mr LeRoy is a genius, and it’s common knowledge that Mr Louis B. Mayer himself is right behind the enterprise. One hundred per cent behind it, I heard.

Bert    That right, is it? The gospel?

Raymond    From upon high: good sources.

Charles (to himself)     We’d get under their feet.

Bert    You in for a cut of the profits, Ray?

Raymond     Money isn’t the point.

Bert    Nothing wrong with dough.

Raymond    I’m not saying there is.

Bert    Don’t knock dough, Ray.

Raymond     Raymond.