Charles    Well, I mean . . . why would he want to do such a thing?

Raymond    A thing?

Charles    A thing, yes.

Raymond    Dear boy, an actor’s life is precarious at the best of times. Jack Haley can’t be frowned upon for stepping into Buddy Ebsen’s Tin Woodsman shoes.

Charles    No, no, no. The man? The man in the iron lung? Why would he want to inhale aluminium . . . huh, aluminum dust? Why would the man in the iron lung want to inhale the dust in the first place?

Raymond sighs heavily, finishes off his whisky and pours another large one.

Raymond    He didn’t want to inhale aluminum – al-u-minium dust in the first place.

Charles    No?

Raymond    No, definitely not. He most certainly didn’t want to inhale the dust.

Charles    I see . . . he was compelled?

Raymond    He was inhaling the dust from the make-up they were applying to him so as to make him look metallic.

Charles    Aaahhh, right, I see. He was inhaling, huh, aluminum dust accidentally.

Raymond    That’s right, there was nothing compelling about the inhalation.

Charles    No?

Raymond    Absolutely not.

Charles    What bad luck.

Raymond    Bad luck? Bad luck doesn’t even enter into it, Charles. Luck is not the issue here.

Charles    It isn’t?

Bert wakes up and watches them. They are unaware of him.

Raymond    No. Negligence is – I believe – the word that sums up this sorry state of affairs.

Charles    Right. I understand.

Raymond    I know you do, Charles. I know you understand because you are a very understanding young man.

Charles    Yes? You think so?

Raymond    There is no need to be bashful, Charles.

Charles    Oh, huh, I didn’t realise I was being –

Raymond    It’s unbecoming.

Charles    Oh, right . . . I see.

Raymond    Trust and understanding go hand in hand, Charles.

Bert    Any of that malt looking for a home?

Charles and Raymond turn and look at Bert in surprise.

Charles (going over to Bert)     Ah, Mr Kowalski, this is Mr . . . ah –

Raymond (pouring a glass for Bert)     Benedict-Porter. Raymond Benedict-Por—

Bert    I know who he is, Charlie, I know who he is. Used to be the most in-demand midget on the circuit . . .

Raymond hands up the glass of whisky to Bert. Bert knocks it back in one and holds the glass back out to Raymond.

Bert    . . . man’s a legend in littledom.

Charles is impressed. Raymond pours Bert another shot and smiles to himself as Bert climbs down off the bed and takes the glass from him.

Raymond    I wouldn’t go as far as to say legend.

Bert climbs up on to a chair and smiles at Raymond.

Bert    No, guess you wouldn’t. Guess you wouldn’t call yourself a legend. You’re too modest, right?

A pause as Raymond and Bert eye each other. Raymond pulls off his top and puts his shirt back on. Charles breaks the ice.