Raymond    Abuse, you see, common everyday abuse, it’s rendered fuck impotent. It’s everywhere nowadays. Let’s just hope cunt doesn’t become as commonplace. One of the few emotive taboo words we have left to play with: cunt.

Charles    Right.

Raymond    It’s got a very precise sound to it. Cunt’s a precision tool.

Raymond pours himself another large whisky. He offers the bottle to Charles. Charles shakes his head, he tries to hide his embarrassment by picking up the script.

Charles    Fascinating read.

Raymond    Noel’s done a fantastic job.

Charles    Noel?

Raymond    Noel Langley, the scenarist. I’m going to be playing the Mayor by the way.

Charles    The Mayor?

Charles scours the script. Raymond sighs heavily and points Charles to the right page.

Raymond    The Mayor of the . . . there, look.

Charles    Oh, yes, silly me, the Mayor of the Munchkins. That’s really, I mean it sounds so . . . well, it sounds really grand. Mayor of Munchkinland. You must be really pleased. I don’t, what do you think . . . ? Probably just have me in the background, I suppose. Probably something really small. Not like you though, eh: Mayor of Munchkinland. You must be very proud of yourself.

Bert groans and turns over. Raymond and Charles look over at him. Bert lets out a loud fart, smiles to himself and turns back over. Raymond carries on as usual.

Raymond    So you’re going to be an extra then?

Charles    An extra?

Raymond    An extra Mu— an extra small person.

Charles    I couldn’t rightly say. A man from the studio picked me up at the station, he picked me up, brought me here and told me to stay put until I heard otherwise. I suppose it will be, I mean it’s bound to be something small. A small part, I should imagine.

Raymond    Yes, you’re bound to be an extra small person. I’m surprised I’m having to share with an extra though. I must make a mental note to bring it up with Mr LeRoy.

Charles    Mervyn! I mean, Mr LeRoy! You know Mr – you’re going to bring it up with Mr Mervyn LeRoy? You know him?

Raymond    Intimately. We’ve worked together.

Charles    Really? You’ve worked with Mr LeRoy?

Raymond    We go back a long way.

Charles    You go back with Mr Mervin LeRoy, well I never. Who’d have thought I’d be sharing a room with . . . well, I mean, that’s just –

Raymond    Must be an oversight.

Charles    Oversight?

Raymond    Sharing: having to share.

Charles    Right, I see.

Raymond    A little word in Mervyn’s ear should remedy it.

Charles    It must be – I mean, you’re not used to sharing with extra small people.

Raymond    No, don’t take it personally, don’t take it as a personal attack, you understand.

Charles    No, of course –

Raymond    I’ve nothing against you, Charles. You know that, don’t you?

Charles    Yes.