BooksBarbecue
Back At Dawn
Chapters (39)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Dedication
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  39. Copyright

I didn’t move from the desk when she left, just sat there staring at the door. Nothing about her going felt right. Something was off. I should ignore it. Ignoring it would make me a stronger man, a more trusting one. But then again, what comes to those who coast through life ignoring things, those who let the world come to them without reaching out to it first? Nothing great comes to those who simply wait. Ignoring this isn’t going to make me a stronger man, not when something could be done. Being proactive was the way to go. Just like Denver once told me in the bar: “Always be the aggressor. Always. Get on offense and stay there and don’t you dare let up. Ever.”

I threw on my shoes and jacket and rushed out into the cold and the dark. I hailed a cab and had him drop me off two blocks away from Jimmy’s apartment.

I felt tight as I walked to the building and stood on the opposite side of the street. The lights were on, but the windows were still covered with the dirty sheets. I receded into the shadows of the alleyway. I tugged my hat down as far as it would go and pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over the hat. After ten minutes I began to shiver. I walked out to the street and positioned myself between two cars to ease the wind, and then I finally saw Carolyn coming down the street. I crouched on my haunches. She removed her phone and dialed but I was too far away to hear what she said. Jimmy opened the bottom door thirty seconds later. He hugged her and kissed her on the cheek. I burned inside. His words echoed in my ears. I was nailing her while she was dating somebody else and I’m still banging her now that she’s with you.

Only then did I realize that coming was a horrible idea. The only way it’d turn out well was if Carolyn walked out now, didn’t linger inside any longer than it took to grab her things. But I knew she wouldn’t. My whole body felt rigid and I tingled in the way of suspecting betrayal from the one you love. My fists were clenched so tightly that my fingernails left crescent-shaped indentations in the palms of my hands.

I couldn’t see a thing looking up through the windows. Even if there was movement on the opposite side of the sheets, I didn’t think I’d notice. I remained between the cars. I didn’t know what to do. People passed and eyed me suspiciously but nobody said a word. I walked to the end of the block, walked back. Five minutes passed.