“See this?” I asked, a little more hostility in my voice than I had intended. Carolyn had only been with me for a week then and we were still shy around one another; my tone was one she had yet to hear.

“Yes?” she asked, confused.

“Throw them away when they arrive. Don’t open them, don’t set them on the counter so I can find them first, just throw them away.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

“I don’t get it. Who are they from?”

“A prisoner serving time in Lucasville, Ohio.”

“But who’s the prisoner?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I don’t get it. Why don’t you read them?”

“Because he’s a piece of shit and I hope he rots in hell. So please, just throw them away whenever you see them, okay?”

She narrowed her eyes. “I don’t understand.”

“I know, and I’m sorry, but I don’t want to talk about it.” I threw the letter in the trash. I didn’t open it, didn’t allow it to see the light of day by first tearing it up. I threw it away, tied the garbage bag though it was only half filled, and carried it to the downstairs can. I walked back up, bypassed my apartment, and continued up the second flight of stairs and knocked on Gene’s door. He was in a navy blue bathrobe, unshaven, holding a tumbler full of what looked like Scotch in his right hand.

“How goes it?” he said.

I walked in and plopped on the living room sofa, then slid down until only my head rested against the back of the couch. I loved the smell of that room, redolent of paper and glue, like the inside of a bookstore. Books everywhere; we were literally surrounded by them. I knew my grandmother would be in her own personal heaven here, and I vowed to have a room just like it someday.

“I think I messed up.”

“What do you mean?” He knocked back the rest of his drink and set the glass down. He sat in the chair and crossed his legs.

“Carolyn is downstairs sitting on the bed with the cat.”

“Okay. Go on.”

“That’s it.”

“Well, wasn’t that the whole damn point in having her move in?”

“Well, Gene, I hadn’t thought that far ahead.”

“You do realize you’re crazier than a rat in a brick shithouse, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, good. Knowing’s half the battle. Now how in the hell did it come to this after just a few days?”