I’d lived in small cities before Greenville, just FYI, but most of them had at least three grocery stores and a corporate retail chain or two. Greenville had: A grocery store, A drugstore, and A post office, plus An ice cream parlor, A place to get wings, and A place to buy running shoes. OH. And A pizza place.

It was Saturday and pretty much everyone seemed to be out and about; everywhere you could see the citizens of Greenville walking around with ice cream cones and shopping bags in groups of three or four, in what I would call Greenville’s Times Square, the intersection of the streets of Main, Center, and Division. One thing I will say, as far as town squares went, Greenville’s was at least very clean. No garbage anywhere. Everyone seemed to have their natural hair color, and everyone except me was wearing sandals and nice shirts. And shorts/pants obviously.

Imagine moving to a town where no one wears pants.

After assessing what space was available, I picked a spot by a big brass statue of an old white man and started hanging up my globes on the signposts, at which point an old guy with white hair under a white baseball cap started surveilling me with what I hoped was a mix of curiosity and anticipation.

I taped my last papier-mâché disco ball to the last post and placed my speaker at the edge of what I determined to be my “performance space.” I strapped on my favorite pair of roller skates, which are orange leather with green sparkly wheels and yellow laces, which not coincidentally matched the orange and green of my amazing polyester sequined jumpsuit with extra-wide bell-bottom cuffs (custom, obv). Putting on my skates is very often, if not the best part of my day, like, pretty high up there on the list. I personally, not that anyone has asked, think everyone should own a pair of roller skates. It’s like putting wings on your feet, like that god Hermes, but with way less family baggage.

I took a breath.

“Here we go,” I whispered to myself.

I pressed play and set the wheels in motion (literally) for my introduction to Greenville, by way of a hastily assembled roller disco performance to the best song in the world: “Funkytown.”

Extended mix.