Also, she didn’t want to look like a baby in front of Steven, especially since her sister told her she had him to thank for letting her attend at all. Lolly was the one who didn’t want her there because she didn’t want to be responsible for her, but Steven had argued back, “Kimmie’s had a shit year. She deserves a little fun.” Lolly gave in, more because she always let Steven have his way, as opposed to being a cool older sister. Honestly, she was terrified and didn’t want to do it, but was too much of a wimp to tell Steven she’d misunderstood him. So she did as she was told, tilting her head back and opening wide.

Most of her first drug experience took place when she was alone, sitting in Steven’s mom’s massive soaking tub. (The master bedroom was the only room off-limits for the party, but Kimmie had ignored the sign and gone in anyway, assuming she had special dispensation as sister to the gf of the host.) For the next two hours, she was blissed out on MDMA happily playing with the most exquisite and wonderfully scented bath bombs she had ever seen. Steven’s mom kept a tall glass jar of them by the tub. They were so sparkly Kimmie was convinced that Steven’s family was so rich they bought bath products with real crushed-up jewels in them. Her father was a named partner in a big corporate law firm so they were rich, too, but Lolly told her they weren’t rich in the way Steven’s family was rich. Steven’s family had “fuck-you money,” like Beyoncé and Jay-Z money, which was a different league entirely.

When Lolly found her two hours later, Kimmie was happy as a clam sitting in the empty tub, her dress covered in shimmery colorful bath bomb dust. Lolly took in her little sister’s dilated pupils and knew immediately what had happened. Soon both Steven and Lolly, who were rolling themselves, stared down at her like she was a tiny guppy in a large fishbowl. Kimmie closed her eyes and listened to Steven tell her sister that he had given Kimmie a kiddie-menu portion and reminding her it was a party and that she needed to lighten the fuck up. Lolly got pouty at Steven for swearing at her but she didn’t stay mad, because she never could. It was like Steven had some sort of magical spell over her sister, one snap of his fingers and she fell in line when he commanded.