Later, back in his childhood bedroom with the window stuck open and the oppressive Baltimore heat flowing in, he closed his eyes against his dizziness and dry mouth, and blond hair flashed behind his eyelids like the afterimages of a full moon.

When he woke up, his sheets were covered in glitter.

He hated himself and he hated this place, this apartment where he had felt so small, and he realized that he had always felt: unimportant, and hidden, and unloved, and so fucking hungry, and he couldn’t stay here for one more moment.

He caught his reflection in the mirror, eyes smudged, cheeks flushed, looking so tired. He had a moment of—of dissociation, maybe, where he couldn’t tell if he were young or old or real or fake, if he were the boy who loved Meg like crazy or the man who—

Theo had seemed so free.

He turned away. He didn’t want to be this Jack, anymore.

He packed his bag with his few items of clothing, and his worn-out suitcase with his hoarded collection of fantasy novels, all their bindings cracked—called Quinn, asked if he could stay at his house in Guilford. Passed his mother in the hall, who looked at him, still sweaty and sparkling, and let him go.

He would never see her again.

Out in the fresh air of that June morning, all of his belongings stuffed into a battered backpack and heavy suitcase, Jack Gardner started laughing and couldn’t stop until he cried.

Chapter Eight

Dad—

Just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. Miss me already?

School’s fine so far. Classes are going well, though there is more homework than I had expected (even though you warned me ahead of time, sorry for not listening). I’ve talked with the lacrosse coach and it looks like I’ll be starting practice soon in the reserves. Thanks again for all the lessons and the gear—really excited for the spring.

The dorms are really nice. Hyacinthe’s on the girls’ floor of course but she’s come over a few times to study (also known as bitching, just like Big G) but she won’t let me into her room. I’m guessing it’s a total mess...whoever said girls are tidy had never met actual girls, I think.

I didn’t realize that Will’s dad is Jack Gardner—did you know him? His picture’s up on the fourth floor with all the scholarship kids, guess he’s done a lot for the school. Anyway, Will looks just like him and is basically embarrassed about it all the time.

I get along with Will pretty well. Actually, he’s a great roommate. We spend most of our time studying, I guess. It’s nice to have a real friend here already (other than Hya).