I shifted so we were no longer touching, and Jack froze, alert to the tiniest change. We stayed that way for a long agonizing moment, me with my knees folded to one side, Jack trying at the same time to stay clear of me and to hide himself, no easy trick on that narrow bed, each of us gazing into the fearful eyes of the other person. Then his leg slipped and lodged against mine, and the weight and heat of his leg said to me: Why not? Why not do this if I wanted to? So I reached for Jack and his brand-new components, and in no time at all I was looking into the most joyful face I had ever seen. Reason enough to keep going, in spite of everything.

•  •  •

We lay together under the sheet, Jack on his back, me with my head on his shoulder. This was pretty uncomfortable and I had to twist my neck to see his face, but I didn’t say anything because it’s the position they assume in movies after sex, and I could tell he was proud to be holding me like that. He was radiant, in spite of his shrunken state. Like he just won the lottery. Olympic gold.

I felt proud too, for different reasons. Whatever happened, I had done it. Bronze maybe, not gold, but I had experienced it. How could I not be happy about that?

He rubbed his cheek on top of my skull. Now that he was allowed to touch it, Jack seemed to genuinely appreciate the feel of my head. At least I thought he did. At one point he’d held my head with both hands. This was one of the heartening things about the afternoon. Another was his sincere effort to touch me. He gave up too soon, but that might have been because it felt so good I lost my nerve and jumped a mile as if to say—Hey! Why do you think it’s called “privates”?—and set about attending to him instead. He kept asking me if it hurt, which was sweet of him. It hurt, but not that much. No one barged in on us. He didn’t fall asleep. I lay there, warm through and through. This body that had betrayed me was good for something.

“We should talk about it,” Jack said in his normal voice, which took me by surprise. “If we want to,” he added hastily.

“That’s what it says in this book my mother gave me when I was fourteen.”