My mother swapped a glance with Robin. “That’s you, Maddy.”

“That’s your animation,” he said soothingly.

“I know it is.”

I’d been half-asleep, drifting and bobbing along with the crowd, but now I was wide awake. There was my head. There were my lips, smiling mysteriously because I knew something no one else knew. There was the earth on top of my skull, with its miniature cities and mountains and trees, and there were my eyes closing in slow motion like I was entering a dream.

Gaps opened up on the surface of the earth. Only a few patches to begin with, nothing too alarming. But it was like Robin’s E natural, that first note of doubt. Gradually the gaps got bigger and ran together, gobbling everything in their way, and at the same time my face below started to crumble. That was the statue coming in. Gouge into the wet paint, let it dry, draw over the ridges. When the whole earth was bare and the beautiful forests and lakes and streets and schools were gone, the sea rose across the earth and blotted everything out.

The clapping went on and on, in our dining room and on the television, and it bubbled into every corner of my heart, swelling it to twice its normal size. They knew. They saw. All because of this thing that I’d made. I was out in plain sight with everyone bearing me up, but at the same time I was disappearing into my unreachable self, the place where no one could ever find me. I knew then that if there was no point in hoping for what I really wanted, I could always hope for something else.

Hi Maddy,

Have I said something to annoy or upset you? I really hope not. But if I have, my sincere apologies. I’m so glad you contacted me. Just say if you don’t want me to write anymore. That is absolutely fine. I understand.

All the very best

Antonio

Dear Maddy,

As I have not heard from you in seven weeks—nearly eight—I can only think that you have decided not to write to me for now. Did I put you off when I suggested we might meet one day? Anything like that would be entirely up to you. I won’t write again until I hear from you. Please know I will be so happy any time you want to get in touch.

Love from

Antonio

Eve

26

When I put the idea to Alison, she slouched down on the office sofa and tried to talk me out of it.

“People don’t just do things. Why do you want me to come with you?”

“Most people would give anything for a trip like this.”

“I’m not most people.”

“I know that.”

“Take Melissa. It would be a great opportunity for her.”

“I’m not taking Melissa. She doesn’t even like art.”

“How do you know?”