My mother was murmuring and holding my head. For her I made the effort to take back my lips, haul my voice up from the deep, and force the syllables out one by one.

“Remember, Mom . . .”

I can move stones. Cry and the milk comes.

“What is it, my darling?”

In my hands the curve of her grown-up head, its openings closed long ago, its pelt starting to grow back. Why come into my life if you’re going to leave? Go! Go if you have to. I’m not going to end this life inside me. I refuse! Stroke the surface one way and then the other. Short and soft. Soft and short.

“Squeeze her hand, Evie, so she knows we’re here.”

“She knows.”

“ ‘I my loved ones watch am keeping . . .’ ” sang Grandma, pausing for suspense. “ ‘All . . . through . . . the night.’ ”

It was my turn. Had I told them before or only Jack? Only Jack. This was the funny part. It would make her cry. She was crying already, my head tight between her hands, my mouth stretched wide around the bulging words.

“Anything good happens to you? It’s me!”

Crack of laughter. The ice groaning.

It’s me, Mama. It’s me.

Acknowledgments

My deepest gratitude goes to Lynne Neufer Dale, who has shared her experience with me in such an openhearted and generous way. I am grateful to all of Summer’s family; Al Dale and Jordan Dale; Marna Neufer; Paul Neufer; Dave Neufer; Nancy Neufer; Holly Batchelor; George, Paul, Will, and Emily Batchelor; Cynthia Gentry and Charles Williams for their support of this book.

I am indebted to my fabulous and formidable agent, Clare Alexander, and to everyone at Aitken Alexander in London, especially Lesley Thorne, Lisa Baker, and Anna Watkins. I am very grateful to Kathy Robbins in New York.

Enormous thanks are due to my editor, Valerie Steiker, for her tireless and insightful editing and sharp attention to detail, and to Nan Graham for essential editorial guidance and support. I am indebted to the entire Scribner team: Roz Lippel, Colin Harrison, Kara Watson, Ashley Gilliam, Kelsey Manning, Sally Howe, Jaya Miceli, Abigail Novak, Laura Wise, and Susan Brown. I am grateful to Lisa Highton at Two Roads, and to my other publishers and translators.

I am grateful to the Goldsmiths Creative Writing MA, my tutors, Francis Spufford, Blake Morrison, and Maura Dooley, and fellow writers (2014–16) who nurtured the book in its early stages.

Thanks go to United Agents for awarding the novel the 2017 Pat Kavanagh Prize when it was still a work in progress, and to Ventspils House in Latvia for the writer’s residency in January 2018. Thanks also to Selma Ancira for walks by the frozen Baltic Sea and her stunning photographs of water, and to Ribbons and Taylor Café in Stoke Newington, where a great deal of rewriting took place.