I could be cool and say, It slipped out, but I decide to push back and ask, “Why you gettin’ mad?” He actually sounds more worked up than mad, but the question itself usually makes people mad, and I’m kind of curious what he’d be like mad.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to start something for the sake of starting something, but he’s already taken it this far. And if he’s the type who grits his teeth or clenches his fists over stupid shit, the type I could see yelling and name-calling and trying to humiliate, the type who makes my insides either want to curl up into a tight ball or grow sharp teeth, I need to know now. Because no matter what the signs say or how many fuchsia flowers he has blooming in my chest, I’m not even about to deal with that.

But his face grows long and soft before he lowers his head again. When he got like this earlier, I thought it was nerves. But now I see it’s something else . . . something deeper that hurts. And he’s sitting up here showing it to me in a way no other boy has before.

The pain inside me peeks its head out, eyeing a friend. And now it’s like his hurt and my pain are hiding under the bleachers together, holding hands.

REX

I swear I hate myself. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to,” I say, and look up. Her pale face has blurred. A thin layer of tears coats my eyes. Lots of blinks, really fast, and it’s better. But what does it matter? She’s not gonna want me. She’s already seen how messed up I am.

“Hey, it’s okay,” she says, and interlaces her long, soft fingers with mine.

“No, it’s not!” I say, harder than I want to. What the hell is wrong with me? Oh, yeah, this is the way to show Carli how I feel about her. I swear I’m so stupid. This is exactly why I usually keep my mouth shut.

She looks down at her high-top burgundy Nike Blazers, but doesn’t take her hand away from mine.

I slowly slide my thumb back and forth over hers, gently squeeze her hand, and rub my thumb back and forth again, hoping my hand will speak for me.

She briefly looks up at me but looks back down. My hand is not gonna cut it.

“Sorry, I’m not usually like this,” I start to explain, but I stop because my eyes are glazing over again. What the hell? I swear it’s like everything inside of me, everything I usually try to keep on lock, has up and decided it wants to come out and lay bare at Carli’s feet. But can it hold up a second?

She looks back at my thumb, sliding back and forth over hers.