And now all I want to do is write down his name. And around and in between his name, I want to paste the things I just cut out of my magazine: a tree with blush-pink leaves, a luna moth with lime-green wings, a boy standing on a double helix reaching for purple stars. Signs I’m hoping will somehow find him in his dreams and let him know my heart.

But my rules.

Feel so small compared to what I feel for Rex. The smallest specks of dust in a gleaming stain-glassed cathedral.

I sit down in a pew, allow my long, skinny fingers to pull the royal blue Pigma pen from the crevice between open pages and write:

Rex Carrington

Rex Carrington

Rex Carrington

Rex Carrington

Rex Carrington

Rex Carrington

Rex Carrington

Over and over again until I’m beaming with a thousand colors. Then I scribble tiny hearts around his names in the shape of a giant heart. Does it look like the work of a first grader? Sure, but ask me if I care.

Outside, the yellow school bus stops in front of our house. Through the window above the sofa, I see Cole hop off.

“Let’s go!” Cole shouts as soon as he’s in the house. A few fast and squeaky footsteps across the wooden floor, and now he’s standing in the entrance of the living room in his basketball warm-ups, out of breath. He’s not supposed to be here. His game starts at five. His team is shooting around, like, right now.

“Go where?” I ask, alarmed, my mind sprinting off to the worst fear it can find. Car accident. Mom and Daddy. I quickly lift my legs and turn around so that my feet are on the ground. Ouch!

“Rex is playing at our school tonight, and I’ve decided that you’re coming.”

I let out a sigh. “You seriously came all the way home for that? What’s wrong with you?” I yell. “You know I can’t go anywhere.”

“What’s wrong with me? Really? I don’t get you, Carli,” he says, face going bright red like he’s about to explode from exasperation. “You know . . . you’re always worried about what this random thing means and what that completely arbitrary thing means. But when something simple is staring you right in the face, it’s like you don’t see it. I should be at my game, right now, but I’m standing here ready to take you to see Rex. And you’re really telling me no?”