Weber: B 40000 AMCC

Weber: B 25000 CMGI

Weber: B 75000 CSCO

Weber: B 50000 PMCS

Weber: B 50000 WCOM

Weber: B 5000 YHOO

Weber: B 15000 JDSU

“I just bought another $75 million of stock.”

“Of course it’s not going down. I’ve already made five hundred thousand and it’s only the first five minutes of the day.”

“See, this is what I am talking about.”

“If you bought stock it would go down. When I buy stock it goes up.”

“Wait and see. I am going to buy call options on the biggest piece of shit company known to mankind. I will make money on it within a matter of minutes.”

“Webvan.”

Weber: B 500 INKT Apr 115 calls

Weber: B 6000 WBVN Apr 10 calls

Weber: B 3000 EGHT Apr 10 calls

“This is fucking retarded. Do you have it up on Yahoo? You have a fifteen minute delay. Yes. Wait and see. In about a half an hour, Webvan is going to be up ten percent.”

“I understand the mechanics of it perfectly well.”

“Yes, most people will kill to have people pile into their trades.”

“It’s so easy, it’s not even funny. Anybody can do this.”

“Not true.”

“No.”

“I don’t know how to make it stop.”

“Yes, I am asking for your help.”

“No.”

“You want to help me, figure out a way for me to lose money. On one trade. Just on one trade.”

“You’re right, it probably isn’t going to happen. At least, not today. But our friend God is out of time. If I don’t lose money today, I am going to kill myself.”

“How many times do I need to tell you? This is not a joke. I am not fucking around. You had better not be calling someone. If I hear a car pull up outside, I am pulling the trigger.”

“Good.”

“Now, I am going to put on the dumbest trade of all time. There is no conceivable way that I can make money on this trade.”

“I’m going to sell call options on 3Com.”

“Good. Even you know about the spinoff today. Do you own a Palm Pilot?”

“Of course, you like it, right?”

“Right. Pretty soon everyone is going to own a Palm Pilot.”

“Well, what is going on is that all these day trader idiots are going to buy PALM until it goes to the moon.”

“No, that would be stupid. If I bought PALM, it would go up even more. That is what always happens. I could have gotten an allocation on the spinoff, but I passed.”

“So I am going to bet that the parent company, 3Com, is going to go down. That is impossible, because there is a mathematical relationship between PALM and 3Com.”

“I could just sell PALM, but I can’t borrow the stock.”

“Do you understand that?”

“Good.”

“So this is what I am going to do. I am going to sell calls on 3Com, and if I make money, I am going to blow my fucking brains out.”