‘So …’ Rich shifts from one foot to the other. ‘We’d better be heading back, actually, mate. Only came out to get a bit of a breather from Daphne’s lot.’

‘Oi.’ Daff rolls her eyes at him. She looks half annoyed, half amused. It’s a look I remember well, and it blows yet another hole straight through me. ‘My mum’s been on the sherry,’ she deadpans. ‘You remember how she gets. Very … Greek.’

‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘I remember.’

I must be staring at her too hard now, because she glances down at the ground, and Rich slinks a protective arm around her waist. The sight makes my stomach flip.

He has aged since I last saw him, but maddeningly, he actually looks better for it. Back in 2020, he was lean and skinny and almost boyish, but he must have been hitting the gym hard, because he’s now filled out into a proper, handsome, sturdy man. He has Phil’s salt-and-pepper stubble, as well as his apparently immovable hairline. There is no denying it: he and Daff make a very good-looking couple. The realisation is like a punch in the gut.

My eyes drift back to her. I can’t help it. Is she happy with him? Is this what she wants? Is she happier than she was with me? My head is throbbing with so many questions, but just as I take a breath to steady myself, Rich clears his throat and gives Daphne a look.

‘Well,’ she says. ‘It was good to see you, Ben. Really. Take care of yourself, OK?’

‘You too,’ is all I can manage.

She looks me straight in the eyes then, and in that moment, I see it. Something flashes between us. Pain, maybe – the same hurt I saw shining in her eyes when she found those messages from Alice. Or it might even be regret for what we’ve lost. For what I caused us to lose.

Whatever it is, it’s only there for a second before it fades away.

‘See you, then,’ she says. Rich nods goodbye too, and then the two of them walk away, towards the park’s exit, Rich’s arm still fixed tightly around Daphne’s waist.

The pain of it is real – physical – like a blade in my chest. I can feel my eyes beginning to sting. I have to get out of here.

I turn and start walking, and as I stare straight ahead, I see that the watch-seller and his dog have both disappeared.

Chapter Forty-Six

Christmas Day 2023 is finally crawling to a close.

It’s approaching midnight now, and we’re back home, in our bedroom. Alice sits at the dressing table in her nightie, rubbing various powerfully scented creams into her face. I lie on the bed behind her feeling … not much of anything, really. Just hollow and wrung-out: half wanting this day to end, half terrified of what might come next.