The rest of the evening passed in an unreal fog, as if I was observing everything from behind smudged glass. Everyone came back to ours for coffee and cake, and I went through the motions as best I could. But it felt – it feels – like something has broken inside me. I can’t stop thinking about that look in Daphne’s eyes as we said goodbye. That flicker of sadness that told me she was still hurting too.

‘We need to be on the road tomorrow by half nine latest,’ Alice says. ‘Boxing Day traffic is always horrendous, and you know how annoying my dad is about lateness.’ She tuts at my silence, and catches my eye in the mirror. ‘Ben? OK? Half nine latest?’

‘Yep, sure.’

‘So that means getting up about half seven, eight?’

‘OK.’

She spins round to face me. ‘And try not to be so down about Wyndham’s tomorrow, OK? Because Dad’s obviously going to ask how it’s going. It was so embarrassing, you just sort of muttering vaguely about it in front of Phil and everyone. You should be proud to work there. I mean, isn’t it better than what you were doing before?’

‘Yeah, it is.’ I nod. ‘Sorry – I don’t mean to be down on it.’

‘It’s a good job, Ben.’

‘I know. I’m grateful for it. I’ll be on better form tomorrow, I promise. I’ve just been feeling sort of spaced out all day. Maybe I’ll take another Nurofen.’

‘Well, take something.’ She turns back to the mirror, snapping the lid off another pot of cream. ‘I don’t know what’s up with you, honestly …’

I shake my head. I don’t know either. I feel completely cut loose – like I’m sinking slowly into deep, dark water.

I have no idea what’s coming next: will I just keep jumping forward at random? Will I wake up next on my wedding day to Alice, and then on our honeymoon? And if so, when will it stop? What if I just keep hurtling randomly from month to month, year to year, deeper and deeper into a life I don’t even want?

The thought makes me giddy, like peering off the edge of a skyscraper.

On the other hand, what if the watch-seller was right? I wanted all this to happen back in 2020; this was where my life was heading. Your life is the decisions you make, he said. So maybe this is it now: this is reality, and I really will wake up tomorrow, bright and early, ready to drive up to Alice’s parents. And then it’ll be the wedding planner on the 29th, and back to work on the 3rd, and I’ll somehow have to keep going. Keep living this life, day after day, trying to make the best of it.