‘You all know the situation by now,’ Zeus continued. ‘Thanatos has mustered an army of Elementals down in Tartarus. It is only a matter of time before he launches an attack on Earth. We are massively outnumbered. And, unless we can get to our friend Elliot first, I fear it is only a matter of time before he retrieves the Fire Stone and hands it, along with the other three Chaos Stones, over to the Daemons. You all fought in the last battle against Thanatos. You don’t need me to tell you what could happen if, this time, he keeps control of those gems.’

‘Crikey!’ Artemis hollered. ‘Those bally gems were nearly the end of mortalkind two thousand years ago. Thanatos could wipe the whole jolly lot out with natural disasters this time.’

‘Sis,’ Apollo whispered, ‘he, like, totally said he didn’t need to tell us what could happen . . .’

‘So what are ye planning to do?’ asked Poseidon, holding his flagon up for more nectar.

‘That’s why I summoned you all here,’ Zeus began.

‘Shame no one listened,’ muttered Hera.

‘Will you just shut—’ Zeus roared, before Aphrodite’s high-pitched laugh rang around the room.

‘Oh, stop it!’ she giggled, slapping Ares playfully as she read the note he had just passed her. ‘You’ve seen these old robes a million times.’

‘Then it’sh jusht the way you shtyle them, shweet cheeks,’ said Ares, kissing her hand.

‘Urgh,’ groaned Athene. ‘Get a temple . . .’

‘Ares!’ snapped Zeus. ‘War is your game. What do you suggest?’

‘Well,’ Ares began, winking at Aphrodite. ‘The firsht thing you need ish a shuperb sholdier to lead the troopsh. I shuggesht Achillesh.’

‘Who are you blithering on about now?’ said Hephaestus. ‘I can’t understand a bloomin’ word you say.’

‘Achilles,’ said Hera. ‘The Hero. One of the greatest warriors of all time – superb idea, Ares.’

‘Thanksh.’ Ares winked, returning his gaze to Aphrodite.

‘Babes. Mates. Listen,’ Hermes said, leaping into the air for some aerial burpees. ‘I get, like, how you have to totes vanquish the troops on Earth. The mortals are in for an epic bosh-not if Thanatos gets a foothold on the Earth. But, not being funny, unless we get to E and those Chaos Stones, we are facing the biggest anti-bosh since the invention of the home perm.’

‘Hermes, we need to get you to Elliot,’ said Athene. ‘Of all of us, you have the best chance of getting through to him. And besides, none of the rest of us can travel to the Underworld.’

‘Babe – tell me about it,’ said Hermes. ‘But I can’t get there neither.’

‘Why not?’ asked Hades.

‘You of all people should remember, Uncle H. I had special dispensation back in the day when I escorted the souls of the dead,’ said Hermes. ‘But my passport expired, like, millennia ago. Now I can’t get in.’