‘Oh, darling, that’s your prize marrow,’ said the Duchess of Cornwall, coming up behind her husband and booting The Ram in the belly on the way past.

‘A prize marrow for a prize melon,’ said Prince Charles. ‘Hello, kids!’

‘Sorry we’re late,’ said Prince William, pulling up in a large family estate car and letting the children out of the back. ‘Couldn’t get Louis’s car seat in. What have we missed?’

‘A proper kicking,’ said The Ram, coming to and rising unsteadily to his feet. ‘Just wait until I get my hands on . . . OW!!!!’

The massive Titan started jumping around from foot to foot, howling in pain.

‘Argh! The torture! The agony!’ he screamed as he leapt around the grass. ‘What fresh hell is this?’

Prince George and Princess Charlotte giggled together.

‘Children,’ scalded the Duchess of Cambridge with a smile. ‘What have I told you about leaving your Lego on the floor?’

‘Poo-poo head!’ laughed the royal children, pointing at The Ram.

A sudden rush of air above them drowned out the Titan’s screams of pain.

‘Don’t start without us!’ cried the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, both dropping down a rope from a hovering helicopter. ‘We do love a good punch-up.’

‘Lovely to see everyone,’ the Queen smiled. ‘Now let’s kick some Titan tush!’

‘Nooooooo!’ The Brain cried. ‘No more! We surrender!’

‘Bruv! RUN!’ screamed The Ram, turning to escape the royal family.

‘I don’t think so,’ said Prince Harry. ‘Are you ready, darling?’

‘Sure,’ said the Duchess of Sussex, yanking the other end of the tripwire they held between them, just in time for the two Titans to fall headlong over it. They came crashing to the ground in a perfect duet of defeated grunts.

‘Super job,’ said the Queen, removing a length of rope from her handbag. ‘Everything seems under control here.’

The rest of the royal family busied themselves tying up the Titans while the children sat on their giant heads.

‘I’ll get these guys back down to Tartarus, don’tcha worry ’bout that,’ said Hades. ‘What a pair of joiks.’

‘Your Majesty,’ gasped Zeus, kneeling before the Queen. ‘Can I just say that was the most magnificent display of warrior skills I have ever seen?’

‘Too kind,’ said the Queen. ‘One is happy to help out.’

‘And can I also say, you are some super smoking hot royal totty?’ Zeus drawled.

‘Father!’ gasped Athene.

‘Too kind again.’ The Queen gave him a wink. ‘One is happy to hear that too. Now – can I assume my Queendom is safe?’

‘I wish!’ Zeus grimaced. ‘Thanks to you, we’re safe up here for now. But unless Elliot stops Thanatos, then all our bally geese are cooked.’

‘I have every faith in young Mr Hooper,’ said the Queen. ‘He seems a rather remarkable young man.’

‘He most certainly is,’ said Zeus gravely, checking his watch. ‘I just hope beyond hope he can be remarkable enough.’

19. Oh, Brother