‘Are you sure this is gluten-free?’ Dionysus asked Demeter as she poured him a glass of water. ‘And I only eat vegan now.’

‘Don’t be daft,’ said Demeter. ‘I ain’t cooking you a vegan—’

‘Yes, where is Ares?’ said Zeus. ‘Unlike him to be—’

A sudden crash above their heads snapped everyone’s attention to the roof of the Great Hall. A silver-haired, tuxedo-clad figure was suspended from the ceiling holding a golden gun.

‘SHORRY FOR . . . DROPPING IN!’ he yelled.

‘Ares!’ squealed Aphrodite, leaping from her heart-shaped chair and clapping her hands in joy.

‘Such a mature woman,’ sighed Athene.

‘SHAY! MIND IF I . . . DROP IN?!’ grinned Ares as he released the clasp holding the golden rope suspending him from the roof.

The Olympians watched, open-mouthed, as the God of War came whizzing down from the ceiling on his rope.

‘Oh, please,’ groaned Athene.

‘It’s so cool when he does this!’ Aphrodite squeaked, tapping her sister’s arm. ‘He drops down from a great height, then stops just at the crucial moment before he can—’

CRASH!

The rest of her explanation was lost as Ares smashed down, face first, on to the table. The golden gun fired, blasting Dionysus’s mung bean salad to smithereens.

‘Great,’ sighed the God of Wine.

‘Chin up, mate,’ laughed Hermes. ‘Think of all the calories you’ve saved . . .’

‘Areeeeeeees!’ Aphrodite yelped, crawling over the table towards him. The God of War sat up and tried to arrange himself into a casual pose, crossing his left leg over his right and resting his head on his hand.

‘Hi, everyone,’ he beamed through dazzling white teeth. ‘Jusht thought I’d—’

‘Drop in?’ said Athene, rolling her eyes.

‘You got it, shweetheart,’ said Ares, making his fingers into a gun and shooting them at the Goddess of Wisdom. She reached for her sword, but her stepmother glowered at her.

‘Sho – it’sh shwell to shee you all,’ said Ares, pulling himself upright and knocking Dionysus’s water into the new salad Demeter had rustled up for him.

‘I give up,’ huffed the God of Wine.

‘Hephaeshtush. Heshtia. Posheidon,’ Ares greeted them, going around the table. ‘And . . . hi, there, Missh Aphrodite.’

Zeus waited for his daughter to greet her former boyfriend. But all that escaped her beautiful lips was a high-pitched squeak. Here they went again.

‘You’re looking gorgeoush,’ winked Ares. ‘But then – you alwaysh do.’

The Goddess of Love blushed and giggled.

‘Right, then,’ said Zeus, trying not to wince as Ares led Aphrodite down the centre of the table, knocking over cups, plates, weapons and whatever else was in his path. ‘Thank you all for coming.’

‘It’s me you should be thanking,’ said Hera, not quite beneath her breath.