I’m nervous about this audition because it’s been so long since I’ve done one. My mother seems to think it’s a courtesy and that I have the part, but I’m not so sure. I feel I need to do a lot to overcome the reputation I’ve established. I was an effing disaster on Tarantula Girls, and those rumors were leaked and . . . ugh! But as Olivia says, “I can’t undo my past. I can only live with it, accept it, and move forward intent on not making those poor choices again.”

God, I miss Zeke. I know this has been a constant theme, but I do. I think it could have been love, or still is. When I think about him, my heart aches, and I want to tell him so many things. Like about that bird’s nest. He’d probably know what kind of bird built it. He’s so smart. And sexy. And sweet to me. God, I needed him. And I still want him.

But maybe I need to respect how he feels. This life I lead—or will lead—isn’t what he wants. I get it. I do. I don’t know if I want it myself. But it’s who I am. Olivia said that I don’t have to do it. I can do something else, but what do I have if I don’t have this? Nothing. I have no skills. I have no other purpose. My mother would kill me! At any rate, I guess I owe Conrad that much. He did all this for me, and I can’t not follow through. Olivia is shouting about dinner. Funny how I used to hate being around her but now can’t imagine her not shooting me that look she gives or making “suggestions.” That’s what she calls her bitching. Suggestions. LOL. Off I go . . .

Olivia bit her lip at that last line. She had always thought the word suggestions was a more agreeable way to point out others’ failures to make the correct choices.

She thumbed through a few more pages but saw nothing alarming. Some grumping about her, little hearts drawn around Zeke’s name, a few inspirational quotations. The only thing that pushed her alarm button was Chase’s emphatic position that she owed it to Conrad and her mother to land this part and that she was nothing without acting.

But would that drive her to do something drastic?

She tapped Zeke’s name, drawn in bubble letters on the last page, and then pulled her phone from her back pocket. Zeke answered on the second ring.

“Hey, Zeke, this is Olivia.”

“Hey.” He sounded surprised, which seemed natural.

“Have you happened to hear from Chase?”

“No. We haven’t spoken since the night before you guys left. Why?” His voice had grown more concerned with each syllable uttered.

“No big deal. I just wondered.”