I tucked all my things into my beach bag and put it beneath the lounger. Surely, no one was going to steal my bag at a high-end resort but still, I was a little hesitant to leave my belongings unattended. I took off my hat and my sunglasses and put them with everything else under the lounger.

Then I took another swig of my drink and with my stomach pulled in as tightly as possible, I strutted past those little bitches, did a perfect dive into the pool and swam underwater to Josh. As I emerged, I tipped my head back, so my long hair would cascade down my back, and stuck out my boobs.

“Hi,” I said.

“Wow,” he said, giving me the kind of kiss you don’t normally give someone in public. And just like I’d said when we were in our room, I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. “You’re going to give me a hard-on,” he groaned into my neck. I grinned. Suck it, little bitches.

After bobbing around the pool together—and after Josh swam some brisk laps to cajole his erection away—we made our way back to our spot by the pool. The little bitches had gone. Good.

We were just settling in when a waiter appeared with an elaborate cocktail—not a Mai Tai, but something just as impressive. “Here you are, ma’am,” he said, placing it on the table next to me.

“Um, I’m sorry, I didn’t order this,” I said. I looked at Josh quizzically, but he just shook his head. “Ma’am” is just as bad as “madam”, by the way, but that was hardly the matter at hand.

“Oh, sorry, ma’am.” The waiter looked confused. He checked a small slip of paper on his tray.

Just then we heard, “Yoo-hoo,” from a few loungers away. All three of us looked at the yoo-hoo-ing woman. She was tall and curvy and had a shock of super-curly hair like mine, only hers was jet black. “I believe that was mine,” she said smiling, her Irish lilt ringing in the air. I really do love an Irish accent.

“Oh, my apologies,” said the waiter. He picked up the drink. “Sorry, ma’am.” The only thing I wanted him to apologise for was calling me “ma’am”—three times!

“No worries,” I said, behaving far more graciously than I felt. Josh leant back and closed his eyes. I pulled out my Kindle and got back to chapter one of my love triangle book.

A few minutes later the same waiter was back, this time with two of the mystery cocktails. I looked at him, baffled. He indicated towards the Irish woman. “From the woman over there,” he said, as he placed them on the table.

“Oh, how lovely,” I replied. Josh sat up and we both looked over at the woman who’d sent us drinks. She was smiling at us.

“Thank you. That’s very generous.”

“Just a nice way to say hello,” she said. “I’m Siobhan, by the way.” For some reason, I warmed to her immediately—perhaps because she was grinning at us in an utterly charming way.