The wait also gave me time to think, which for me, can be dangerous.

The last time I’d seen Josh, he told me he’d never known anyone like me and that he wanted to know me for the rest of his life. He’d also called me his “travel buddy”. I wondered which Josh would show up, especially as over the past few months, we’d become even closer than we were in Greece.

Over email and FaceTime, we’d chatted easily about all sorts of things and we’d planned the trip together. Sure, we’d had some discussions—disagreements, really—but we had talked our way through them, listening to each other, respecting the other’s opinion.

We were close friends. Close friends who planned on having lots of sex over the coming week. Close friends who may—or may not—end up in a relationship and actually be boyfriend and girlfriend.

Or, we’d just stay travel buddies.

Alone in a luxury hotel room, I managed to work myself into quite a tizzy.

Why am I here waiting for a man who isn’t sure about his feelings? James sees a future with me. But Josh might too. How can I decide between them if I don’t find out?

Around and around I went. I was my own worst enemy. Then my phone bleeped, saving me from myself.

Landed. Should be there within the hour. Can’t wait. Jxxx

I replied, relieved to be out of my head.

We’re in room 1505. I had reception set aside a key-card for you. See you soon! Sx

I went into the bathroom to check my makeup. Flawless. No matter how much inner turmoil I was in, at least I looked good. Back in the bedroom, I smoothed out the bed covers and fluffed the pillows.

Usually I would unpack and nest a little after arriving somewhere new, but we were only there for one night, so it wouldn’t be worth it. I looked around the room trying to find something—anything—to keep me occupied until Josh got there.

Next to my suitcase, I spied the duty-free bag that held the bottle of gin. I opened the mini bar—there was tonic. I looked at the clock—nearly noon. “It’s five o’clock somewhere,” I said to myself. I didn’t have a lime, but desperate times and all that. I free-poured a shot of gin into a glass and topped it up with a six-dollar tonic, then took my drink to the balcony to enjoy the view. I sat, then propped my feet up on the railing and took a sip. It was delicious and I sighed a little. Fantastic. I am officially a day-drinker.

The view of Waikiki Beach was just like I’d imagined. Palm trees, white sand, clear aquamarine water and surfers riding even rows of waves. From that high up I couldn’t hear the hubbub of the tourists, but I could see the hordes milling about. One night was enough, I figured.

The gin started to warm me through and soon my troubled thoughts receded into the background. I knew I’d revisit them another time, but just then, I needed the reprieve. A little while later, after the meditative sound of waves crashing and the gin had lulled me into a peaceful state, my phone bleeped again.