And that morning, the glow of the night before—the things we’d said, the incredible meal on the rooftop, our lovemaking, the possibility of a future together—receded, and in its place was dread, thick syrupy dread.

“I can practically hear you thinking,” said the gravelly voice next to me. He rolled over onto his side to face me. I smiled weakly.

“I hate saying goodbye,” I said, forgoing any pretence that our situation was tolerable. He snuggled closer and nuzzled my neck with his mouth, peppering me with tiny kisses. It annoyed me. I was not in the mood for nuzzling.

“Goodbyes are awful, but it won’t be for good.”

I hoped not.

“I hope not.”

He lifted his head, suddenly serious. “It will be all right, Sarah. I’ll visit, or you’ll come here. Actually, we’ll do both until we know for sure, and then we’ll sort it out. All right? We don’t need to decide anything right this minute.”

Maybe I was being over-sensitive, but I thought he was being condescending. I didn’t mention it, though. “Okay,” I said, even though it wasn’t.

“Can I make you breakfast before I take you home?”

Take me home.

Only, it wasn’t my home. It was Cat’s home, and soon I would have to leave there too. And the only thing worse than a goodbye, is a long, drawn-out goodbye.

“Actually, I think I’ll just have a shower and then we can head out.”

“Oh. It’s very early. It’s not even seven yet.”

“I know.” Tell him. Tell him it’s the situation and not him. You’re not mad at him.

But I couldn’t. I was behaving like a child, and I knew it. And I was pretty sure he knew I knew it. I just couldn’t help it. Maybe I thought it would be easier to part if we were annoyed at each other. Maybe I had lost my damned mind.

“Okay, then. You take a shower, and I’ll get dressed. We can leave as soon as you’re ready.”

I am really screwing this up.

He flung back the doona and reached for the jeans I’d pulled off him the night before, which were on the floor next to his side of the bed. He didn’t bother with underwear and with his back to me, he pulled them up. I heard the zip.

Yep, I’m totally and completely screwing this up in the worst way. Fix it, Sarah, for fuck’s sake.

“James.” He stopped, his shirt on but not yet buttoned. I climbed over to his side of the bed and knelt behind him. I slid the shirt off his shoulders and let it drop to the floor, then wrapped my arms around him and ran them up his torso, resting them on his chest. Pulling him towards me, I leant my forehead against his bare back.

He turned suddenly and grasped my face roughly between his hands, kissing me with an intensity that held everything we were both feeling. I fell backwards onto the bed, pulling the weight of him onto me. We both fumbled at the waistband of his jeans, until his impatience won out and he practically tore them off and pushed them onto the floor. He made short work of the condom he retrieved from his bedside table, then he was inside me.