I took another sip of tea—I was going to need as much of it as I could stomach—and then set about the task of packing quickly, which I hate to do. I like ordered, meticulous packing, so I know where everything is on the other end. In a minor miracle, I managed the task in about three minutes.

“Ready?” said the smiling man.

“Sure,” said the smiling woman. Oh boy, it’s gunna be a long drive.

*

That day, we were driving south-west to catch the overnight boat trip on Milford Sound. The route would take us through the town of Te Anau, the last vestige of civilisation on our journey, where we planned to have a quick lunch.

After lunch, we would make the beautiful, but sometimes treacherous, drive to Milford—winding roads, rock falls, sudden changes in temperature. Weren’t travel guides supposed to sell you on a place, rather than terrify the pants off you? Although, I was sure the risky drive would be worth it. I’d seen those horribly long Lord of the Rings movies and the best thing about them was the epic scenery.

Around an hour after we left Queenstown and about halfway to Te Anau, we still hadn’t said much. That giant purple elephant was taking up not only the entire backseat, but most of the oxygen in the car. I couldn’t stand it any longer.

“James?”

“Mmm?” He kept his eyes on the road.

“Is everything okay between us?” Why mince words, right? I mean, I was in the middle of nowhere, thousands of kilometres from home with a man who may or may not love me. What did I have to lose?

He sighed heavily, and my stomach lurched. “I hope so.” I hope so? What the hell was that supposed to mean? Had he suddenly turned into an enigmatic teenager? “No, that’s not right.” He grabbed my hand and pulled it to his lips, kissing it. “We are absolutely okay. That is, if you say we are.” Uh, yeah, that’s not gunna fly, mate.

I channelled every ounce of my teacher patience into what I said next. “I guess what I’m asking is, does running into Portia”—I struggled not to choke on her name—“affect us in any way? You seemed a little shaken up by the whole thing. And you’ve been … well, you’ve been kind of strange ever since.” I threw a look his way to see his reaction. He had one of those smiles on his face that isn’t really a smile, the one where your mouth is stretched back into a straight line and your lips disappear.

“I’m sorry. I really am. I don’t want to upset you or concern you. Seeing her didn’t change how I feel about you. It just threw me. I mean, I’ve never run into her in London, amongst millions of people, and here we are in probably the furthest place on the planet and it … it just threw me.” I’ll say.

He squeezed my hand. “I handled it badly, and I’ve been sitting here wondering how to raise it without making things worse. And, only one of us was the adult, here—you.” He glanced at me, clearly not wanting to tear his eyes away from the winding road for too long, and offered me an actual smile.