We drove until we couldn’t, then we marched. When shells landed nearby, we lay in the snow.

We marched until we couldn’t. Or were advised to stop. I didn’t know for sure, I’d stopped thinking. I just got on my Hook and followed him.

We halted on a slope. Von Asselt, Hook and I dug in together. Two worked while one watched. We settled down. One watched while two slept. Or tried to sleep. Or lay awake with painfully cold feet, just feeling shitty and sorry for themselves. At one point, I heard von Asselt crying a little. He was rolled away from me with his face under his arm, stifling it. I didn’t want to embarrass him, but I felt bad. My feet hurt so much, I felt like crying myself.

You can’t expect a man to be pushed to the limit of his strength, endurance and courage, then be disgusted if he breaks down afterward. We’re men, not Gods.

We’re just cats, birds and eggs. Ordinary grunts doing what we can.

Finally I put my hand on von Asselt’s back, but kept quiet. Just letting him know I was there. I pressed my palm between his shoulder blades and tried to give him some of my gold.

We do what we have to do.

It was a terrible day and a miserable night.

I should just leave it here.

Strong Letter to Follow

Rise and shine to the sound of mortars landing around our vehicles, Kennet wrote. That’ll wake a fellow up.

Word came down from on high we were to withdraw. After all that fighting and blood and death to secure this position, we had to leave it. That’ll kick a fellow in the balls.

A frantic hustle to gather up all the ammunition, equipment and weapons. Pile it up to load in the vehicles. Then another word from on high: so sorry, hold your position (except for the ‘so sorry’ part). Back into the holes we go. And that will make even a saint like Anderson into one surly son of a bitch.

(You probably noticed I’ve stopped apologizing for my language. Apologies come with an intent to change, and I have no intention, hell, I have no chance of cleaning up my mouth. This is it, darling girl. Cover your ears, avert your eyes or just close the book and read no more.)

We saw a bit of action that morning, but it came in bursts and always when I was on the verge of nodding off, so I have bizarre memories of things Hook swears didn’t happen. I must’ve been dreaming some of it. It left me disturbed in a way I couldn’t shake off. Seemed the whole rest of the day, I didn’t know if I was awake or dreaming.