Back A Private Function
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover
  2. Landing Page
  3. A Private Function
  4. CONTENTS
  5. INTRODUCTION
  6. The Old Crowd
  7. CAST
  8. A Private Function
  9. PREFACE
  10. CAST AND CREDITS
  11. Prick Up Your Ears
  12. PREFACE
  13. CAST AND CREDITS
  14. 102 Boulevard Haussmann
  15. CAST AND CREDITS
  16. The Madness of King George
  17. PREFACE
  18. CAST AND CREDITS
  19. About the Author
  20. Also by the Author
  21. Copyright

Dickie turns away from the window, which he has been studying. His way is barred by Harold and Glyn, who start to set up a trestle table. He listens to his transistor radio.

INT. STAIRS. NIGHT.

The party is climbing the stairs – coming up towards camera.

GEORGE   Of course before the war it was a palace.

BETTY   When my aunt was alive.

GEORGE   There were servants then.

BETTY   Servants. A chauffeur. All devoted.

RUFUS   Of course. Another world.

INT. UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR. NIGHT.

George and Betty lead the way down the corridor.

BETTY   In due course she died, the servants left, he struggled on alone but for his little dog.

GEORGE   Which he adored.

BETTY   One day he picked it up and flung it against the wall.
Pauline screams.

RUFUS   Tragic.

OSCAR   Senile dementia.

RUFUS   I suppose it had to be destroyed.

GEORGE   When he died it was three weeks before anyone found him.

BETTY   Anyone? Me … in here. (opening the door) Dead under a pile of newspapers.

INT. EMPTY UPSTAIRS ROOM. NIGHT.

The guests crowd in the doorway. The room is empty except for a telephone on the floor.

PAULINE   Didn’t that put you off?

RUFUS   Is must be worth all of two hundred.

OSCAR   No. Two-fifty at least.

BETTY   We haven’t decided on a colour yet. White will do for the time being.

PAULINE   I’m never sure about white. So pitiless somehow.

INT. LARGE ATTIC ROOM. NIGHT.

Rufus, Betty and Stella are strolling through the empty room.

BETTY   It’s not a particularly safe area, of course.

STELLA   Where is nowadays?

RUFUS   Nowhere. Nowhere’s safe. And the country’s as bad as the town. A cousin of mine was on a bus the other day …

STELLA   On a bus?

RUFUS   Country bus … night time, nine o’clock. Quite full, one of these jobs where the driver takes the fares.

STELLA   They’re all getting like that now. It’s the wages.

RUFUS   Opposite her there was this young chap, nineteen, quite well dressed, sitting there moaning.

STELLA   Moaning?

RUFUS   Coat wrapped round him, rocking to and fro, moaning. Naturally she thought drugs …

BETTY   As one would.

RUFUS   I say, this is a nice room … but she watched him out of the corner of her eye for a bit and she decided, ‘No. This young man is ill. Really ill.’ She went and had a word with the driver. He doesn’t like stopping, nine o’clock at night, middle of nowhere, but eventually he pulls up and comes back down the bus to investigate. And as they look at this youth they see that just where he’s hugging himself there’s a great patch of blood. Blood soaked right through his coat. (opening a door) What’s in here? Ah. So the bus driver gets this young lad to let him open his coat so they can see where he’s hurt. He opens his coat and out falls a hand. A human hand.