Back A Private Function
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover
  2. Landing Page
  3. A Private Function
  4. CONTENTS
  5. INTRODUCTION
  6. The Old Crowd
  7. CAST
  8. A Private Function
  9. PREFACE
  10. CAST AND CREDITS
  11. Prick Up Your Ears
  12. PREFACE
  13. CAST AND CREDITS
  14. 102 Boulevard Haussmann
  15. CAST AND CREDITS
  16. The Madness of King George
  17. PREFACE
  18. CAST AND CREDITS
  19. About the Author
  20. Also by the Author
  21. Copyright

STELLA   His hand?

RUFUS   No, somebody else’s. With a ring on it.

BETTY   What sort of ring?

RUFUS   Gold. He must have cut off the hand to get the ring.

STELLA   What happened then?

RUFUS   I don’t know what happened then.

BETTY   And where did you say this was – New York?

RUFUS   Horsham.

INT. MOTHER’S BEDROOM. NIGHT.

Television image of a large eye fills the screen. As we cut back, we see an elderly lady watching a medical movie in an otherwise empty room. George, Pauline, Oscar and Svend enter.

GEORGE   We won’t disturb you, Mother. We’ve given this room to Mother. It’s all right. She’s not one for social occasions.
George leads the way round the room. One of the walls is missing. A group of technicians watch.

PAULINE   It’s so spacious. I long to see it furnished.

OSCAR   I imagine there’ll be a good view.

GEORGE   Splendid view. The whole of London.

OSCAR   The whole of London? That’s handy.

PAULINE   You’re not overlooked?

GEORGE   We have neighbours, but we’ve never seen them.

OSCAR   Probably foreigners. Only people who can afford to live here these days.

PAULINE   You had it rewired, I suppose?

GEORGE   Top to bottom.

PAULINE   It’s the best.

OSCAR   Cheapest in the long run.

PAULINE   Are you oil-fired?

GEORGE   Gas.

OSCAR   Safest in the long run.

PAULINE   Oh, much.

GEORGE   Thank you, Mother.
They go out. Elderly lady continues watching television.

INT. UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR. NIGHT.

The whole party, minus Dickie, is strolling down a wide corridor.

STELLA   I sometimes think – should one just go somewhere else?

GEORGE   You mean emigrate?

RUFUS   Why not?

BETTY   But where?

OSCAR   Precisely. One almost finds oneself thinking in terms of New York.

PAULINE   Surely not New York?
They have arrived at a bend in the corridor. George halts them.

GEORGE   Sorry, everyone – we haven’t got around to doing the windows here yet. Better keep down.
They continue down the corridor, crouching as they pass the windows, through which moonlight shines, and the occasional searchlight.

STELLA   The thing about New York is they will at least let one work.

RUFUS   Not officially they won’t. Officially one can’t work. Especially us. Not without a green card.

PAULINE   A green card?

OSCAR   People will do anything for a green card.

BETTY   Do they all have green cards?

RUFUS   No. That’s the point. The Chinese don’t.

OSCAR   New York is full of Chinese, working, saving, going home to China. The authorities turn a blind eye.

PAULINE   Communist China?

OSCAR   Communist China.
They are past the dangerous part of the corridor now, and they get up from the floor.

STELLA   How extraordinary.

BETTY   Without the Chinese their restaurant business would fall apart.

GEORGE   That couldn’t happen here.

STELLA   People working illegally.