I tried not to leap in the air or do Irish dancing. I said, “Oh, well. You know I had better … er, walk you to your door because of the … night … er, stuff.”

Ruby rolled her eyes at me. “Come on then, soft lass.”

We went across the green to The Blind Pig and Ruby ran up the back stairs to her room.

I was hovering around by the door. With a bit of luck, I wouldn’t have to bump into Ted … at which point Ted Barraclough, Ruby’s dad, came out of the front bar.

I couldn’t help noticing he had a Viking helmet on.

And a guitar in his hand.

And was wearing a very tight pair of leather trousers. He was walking with small steps.

His whole big face lit up when he saw me. Oh dear.

“Well, what a lovely surprise—the thespian is back at last. Thank the Lord. Now then. Don’t tell me, let me guess what you are pretending to be this time.”

I said politely, “Hello, Mr. Barraclough, I—”

He waved his helmet about.

“No, dun’t tell me, dun’t tell me … Are you a historic figure? I’m thinking the woolly tights. Your rain hat, the slight roll as you walk. Are you Nelson? I’m right, aren’t I?”

I said, “I’m not doing mime. I’m just collecting—”

“Ah, the good days are back again. I’ve missed you. I really have. You and your friends, the STUDENTS. Monday, I will once more hear the sound of you cantering to Dither Hall on your imaginary ponies.”

Actually, Vaisey did have an imaginary pony. Black Beauty.

Had he been spying on us?

Ruby came back and handed a letter to me.

She said, “Don’t go daft.”

I took the letter and said to her, “Heeee-heee, why should I go daft, it’s only a letter from, you know, a mate to another mate, heeee, I don’t know what you mean.”

She just looked at me and shook her hair.

Then she said to her dad, “How did The Iron Pies rehearsal go?”

He said, “Bloody marvelous. The Iron Pies are going to be the biggest thing this side of Grimbottom. We are quite literally a sound sensation.”

Ruby said, “Oh yeah? How many songs have you got?”

“Well, fust of all, we’ve done some belters for the mums and dads. All with the original pie theme.”

Ruby said, “Like what?”

Mr. Barraclough said, “The well-known James Bond themes, ‘For Your Pies Only,’ ‘Golden Pie,’ and ‘From Russia with a Pie.’ Then a bit of a classic for the rockers, ‘Rock Around the Pie.’ And a few standard Beatles numbers, ‘The Long and Winding Pie,’ ‘All You Need Is Pies,’ ‘Lucy in the Pie with Diamonds.’ We’ll be cracking. I’ll have groupies trying to get hold of my pies.”

I didn’t know what to say, and I also didn’t want to think about his pies anymore … I was dying to read my letter. So I said I had to go because Dibdobs was waiting for me.