We were at the barn by now. I wanted to make sure that Connie had gone off. I said to Rube, “I don’t want my head pecked off by an enormous angry barn owl. It’s not even as though she would peck it off at once and get it over and done with. I saw her eat a mouse, head first, bit by bit. Till only its tail was hanging out of her beak.”

So Ruby crept off and opened the barn door while I crouched behind a bush.

I noticed Matilda sat down behind me. Clearly she didn’t want her head pecked off either.

Ruby came back skipping and said, “They’re on their own, come in!!!”

I went into the barn and when my eyes adjusted to the dark I could see them. Little Ruby and Little Lullah. Our little owlets.

Little owlets? They were HUGE! We spent an hour with the furry freaks. They can flutter about now, although they do crash into the walls. And they swooped down onto our hats. I think they love us and think we are their stupid friends who don’t even know how to fly. Well, maybe I can’t fly but I don’t poo myself all the time. I said to Ruby, “Look, they are pooing while they are eating.”

Ruby said, “Ah know, sometimes you can see little mouse claws in the poo pellets.”

It was getting cold and late, so Ruby put them back on their hay pile. I didn’t want to handle them in case I was involved in a poo situation. But they were so sweet and they fluffed their feathers up to make themselves look bigger. And did head swiveling, to show off how far they could swivel. I feel proud of them.

I said to Ruby as we left them, cheeping away in the dark, “Little Lullah looks like me, don’t you think?”

As she pulled her hat down she said, “Don’t make me have to go say owt to me dad about you saying an owlet looks like you.”

It was spooky down the dark lane with the noises in the fields and the rain and moaning wind. There were strange rustlings in the trees and a far-off hooting.

Ruby huddled into her jacket and threw a stick for Matilda. Matilda looked at the stick as it flew over her head. Then she just went on toddling along. She knows that it’s not a biscuit, so why would she bother to go and get it?

Ruby said, “The Hinchcliffs have had a reight big fight. They smashed the Bottomlys’ outdoor lavatory when they fell into it.”

I tutted.

Typical.

“What were they fighting about this time? Who was the stupidest?”

Ruby said, “No, Ruben found out that Cain had been laiking around with his girlfriend.”

I tutted again.

Ruby went on. “Cain made it worse by saying he was only doing Ruben a favor because she was a real mardy bum. And thick.”

Charming.

As we got back to the Dobbinses’ gate Ruby said, “Oh, I forgot, Alex gi’ me a letter for thee but I left it in my room. I’ll gi’ it thee tomorrow.”