Jack looks at Joan. He shakes his head. “Our job is not to tell her the truth, our job is to get her home.”

“Navigator, yes. We are still confident about the PLBDs at this time. Please continue to the eight aft bulkhead latches.”

Joan can feel that her soul has gone dormant. Her mouth is moving, but her heart is not here anymore. She knows she will get through this—these hours will pass with one outcome or another, and she will physically survive it. But she is not sure, when it is all over, if she will ever come back to herself.

Vanessa can hear the unsteadiness in Joan’s voice. But if Joan does not want to tell her what’s causing it, there’s a reason.

“Roger that,” Vanessa says.

Vanessa maneuvers over to the aft bulkhead.

Each one of the eight latches snaps into place sequentially. That is sixteen of thirty-two down. Both the top and bottom bars of the capital I are done, however imperfectly.

She imagines the feel of her feet on the tarmac, the relief of seeing the doctors rush into the flight deck to save Griff and Lydia. She thinks of the way the air will smell to her, full of dirt and fuel.

Steve had told Vanessa that getting off the ship was like walking into your house after a long vacation. That you will get that rare moment of smelling the familiar scent of Earth, before you grow too used to it again to sense it.

She’d been looking forward to that.

She scoffs to think of how much she’d been looking forward to this entire mission. How she’d protested against being “only” a mission specialist. How she’d begged for the chance to be a pilot.

But, of course, it had been Steve who had told her she’d deserved the chance to fly the shuttle someday. Steve who’d lobbied for her. Who’d told her he would keep at it until Antonio understood.

She moves on to the centerline latches. Thankfully, the first four close easily. She continues to the next four.

Steve had cheated on his wife ten years ago. It was one time. He’d been drunk. He never forgave himself for it, even though, after he confessed to Helene, she gave him a chance to make it up to her. And he did. Make it up to her.

Vanessa didn’t quite understand either side of it—the betrayal of someone or the forgiveness possible. But Steve had said that over time, she would understand both. Once she’d loved someone long enough, she’d understand that anything is possible, that she was capable of worse and greater acts than she knew.

He’d taught her that, too.