Because I do not know how to live my life without you. Because I don’t even recognize the person I was before I loved you. “Because…” Joan said. But she had no words.

“Then—”

“But this is final,” Joan said. “You have to go. I knew I couldn’t talk to you about it until I worked up enough nerve to see it through. But this is how it has to be. That’s never been clearer to me.”

Joan closed her eyes. When she opened them, Vanessa was standing in front of her, crying.

“Jo, please—”

“Vanessa, this is not up for debate. I will not allow you to give up everything you have worked toward. It’s over.”

Vanessa hung her head.

“Please do not call me,” Joan continued. “Please do not come back here.”

“How could you—”

“You will meet someone else,” Joan said. “Someone who is not in the corps. And you will be able to keep it a secret. A better secret than we have. You will be able to have everything you deserve. But you cannot have that with me.”

“I—”

Joan could not bear another second of this conversation. It had to be over. She stood up.

“Vanessa, just go,” Joan said.

“Joan—”

“You need to go. I’m asking you to leave my house,” Joan said.

“But Frances…” Vanessa said, a tear falling from her face. “You’re not even letting me say goodbye to Frances.”

“I know,” Joan said. “I will explain it all to Frances as best I can. She will be okay.”

Vanessa stared at her.

But Joan was right. And they both knew that.

Vanessa’s eyes narrowed, her lips tight. “I deserve to at least have a say in this,” she said.

Joan shook her head. “There is nothing left to say.”

“What an incredibly fucked-up thing to do,” Vanessa said.

“I don’t care,” Joan said.

Without saying another word, Vanessa grabbed her keys and left. For a moment, Joan thought she was going to slam the door, but she shut it quietly. And Joan knew it was so as not to wake up Frances. She wanted to run to Vanessa and tell her that she could not live without a woman who cared about her niece that much.

Instead, when the lock finally clicked, Joan fell to the living room floor and sobbed. She let it shake her body from her chest down through her legs. She was still crying when she pushed herself up to a sitting position. And through her tears, she could see that while she had been on the floor for only a few minutes, her tears had left a mark on the carpet.

And then the phone rang.

When Joan picked it up, she heard just one word.

“No.”

Joan’s breathing slowed, and she tried to dry her tears.

“No, Joan,” Vanessa said.

“Where are you?” Joan asked.