“March 1994, April 1, 1994

“Dear Paris:

“I don’t know who told you that you had to be perfect when you grew up. It wasn’t me was it? I hope to hell not, cause if I did, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Or maybe it’s just cause you was the oldest you just felt like you had to set a good example for everybody else, was that it? My heart been breaking watching you trying to do everything right, trying to get everything just so. You do a damn good job of it, but it’s a hard act to keep up, ain’t it? I see the answer when I look at you. It’s the reason why you sneak and take them pills that I know damn well ain’t no Advil. I remember Liz Taylor got addicted to some pills, too, and I betcha that’s what’s happening to you. I betcha you don’t believe it though, do you? I betcha you think you too damn smart to get strung out on some pills, don’t you?”

“Hold it. Wait a minute here,” Charlotte says. “What she mean, strung out? I know you ain’t strung out on no pills, are you, Paris?”

“To put it bluntly, yes. Was. I got addicted to painkillers and just got off of them a couple of months ago.”

“Is that what you’ve been popping all this time?” Janelle say. “I didn’t know those things were addicting.”

“It ain’t no crime,” Lewis butt in. “She human just like everybody else.”

“Well, did that spa help you, baby?” I ask.

“It was rehab, Daddy. I only told you guys about the spa because it was right next door. I spent four days at both places.”

“How’d this happen?” Charlotte’s asking. “And how come you didn’t tell us?”

“There’s a whole lot of reasons.”

“We listening,” Charlotte say.

“I don’t want to get into it now. . . .”

“Get into it,” Charlotte says.

“Yes, do,” Janelle says. “Your letter’s right here and it’ll wait a minute or two.”

“Okay, well, this is just how I feel, I’m not saying it’s true, but, being the oldest, I’ve always felt like everybody was always looking up to me, and I don’t think I ever really felt entitled to make mistakes. And when I did, I kept them to myself, because it was embarrassing. And I didn’t want you guys to think of me as a failure or not being able to hack it. Everybody expected me to be in control, even Mama, so I just got good at faking it. A few trips to the dentist later, I got something that made it easier to cope. I got tired of always being asked to do everything. Tired of coming up with all the answers. And I got tired trying to help solve everybody else’s problems but didn’t know where to turn when I needed help solving mine.”

“What you think we here for?” Charlotte says.

“You haven’t ‘been’ here for a long time, Charlotte, and that’s the reason I’m glad we’re here now. We used to all be tight. Close. Like sisters. And brother. But somewhere along the line we all went our separate ways and became estranged—not strangers, but distant. I feel like I’ve been out on an island with no boat. I mean, my son got a girl pregnant and I was scared to tell you guys because Dingus is supposed to be such a good kid, and he is, but he’s not perfect, and neither am I.”