Indy came through the door. A shared look, like a sad smile but a hundred times stronger, the burden of loving someone in a world of pain.

‘Hey.’

Indy held her arms out and Hannah went to her, let herself be held like a baby as tears came to her eyes.

Neither of them spoke for a long time, just breathing and tears. Then eventually Hannah pulled away and wiped at her eyes and cheeks with her sleeve, sniffed.

‘Vic was asking for you,’ Indy said. She tucked a strand of hair behind Hannah’s ear and left her hand on her cheek for a moment.

Hannah went to the kitchen table. The rug still had bloodstains on it, it took a specialist cleaner to get it out and he didn’t have an appointment slot until next week. The blood was both her mum’s and dad’s, their DNA mingling like they did when Hannah was created, or when they kissed each other or fucked. She was the combination of their lives, just like the stain on the carpet.

‘I can’t be down there,’ she said.

Indy watched her but didn’t move. ‘They wouldn’t have come to Skelf’s if they had a problem with it.’

Hannah touched a finger to the table. ‘Maybe they don’t have a problem, but I do.’

‘You have to go easy on yourself,’ Indy said, pain in her voice.

‘Do I?’ Hannah said. ‘My dad killed our friend. And his own baby.’

‘Exactly. Your dad, not you.’

Hannah looked out of the window, more clouds desperate to get somewhere. ‘I can’t help how I feel.’

‘It’ll take a while,’ Indy said. ‘But it will get better.’

‘It doesn’t feel like that.’

‘I know.’

Indy was talking about losing her parents and Hannah felt ashamed all over again. Being selfish when others had gone through so much, the Chengs downstairs, Indy with her parents, 322wives without husbands, children without fathers, parents without daughters.

She breathed, in and out, as the murmur of people drifted up from downstairs, a door opening and closing, conversation filling the air.

‘What about Peter?’ she said eventually.

‘It wasn’t your fault,’ Indy said. She hesitated, reached out a hand but let it drop.

Hannah gave her a look. ‘We both know that’s not true.’

Indy folded her arms. ‘Peter made his own decisions.’

Hannah picked at an invisible mark on the table. ‘I backed him into a corner.’

‘He was having an affair with a student who died,’ Indy said, voice rising. ‘It would’ve come out.’

‘What about his daughter?’ Hannah was crying again. A tear landed on the table next to her finger and she wiped it away. ‘That kid is going to grow up without a dad.’