He sighed, passing, finally, the police station for what he hoped would be the last time ever. The lads were still, to his utter amazement, at the pub next door and increasingly merry, and, he was astounded to see, the coppers were now drinking as well. A mass cheer greeted him as he stumbled past.

“Did you find her? The fuckbeast?” shouted Nobbo.

One glance from Cormac convinced him otherwise.

“Aww,” said the group in chorus.

“What’s this?” said the sarcastic copper, and to Cormac’s horrified amazement, they immediately started telling him the entire story, while someone fetched Cormac a pint, which he declined in favor of a very large glass of water. The absolute last thing he needed was to get maudlin.

As the story unrolled the copper screwed up his face. “He’s never even seen her?”

“Naw, mate!”

“That’s nuts!” He pulled out his phone. “What’s her name? She’s got to be on Instagram.”

But he found nothing.

“Look for her on the police database,” said his colleague.

“Do not do that!” said Cormac.

“Well, you tried, you failed,” said Tim. “Might as well just hang out with the rest of us . . .”

“No!” said the sarcastic policeman. “If you want her, go get her! That’s what I had to do with Gus!”

“Where did Gus go?” said his colleague.

“Um . . . West London,” said the policeman, and everyone gave a sharp intake of breath.

“Well, I tried that,” said Cormac. “Didn’t quite work.”

“Hang on!” said Tim, possibly somewhat overrefreshed. “Where is Scotland anyway? If you drove would you get there faster?”

“Where is Scotland?”

“Focus on the question, mate, not your national pride.”

Cormac glanced at his watch. “Well, maybe. But I haven’t got a car at the moment.”

“We’ve got a car!”

The policemen immediately looked up.

“You have?”

“It’s insured!” said Tim instantly. The others nodded.

“I won’t be on your insurance,” said Cormac. “And youse are all too pished up to drive.”

“Yeah, we are,” said Tim thoughtfully. “But the insurance covers everyone.”

“Otherwise we can’t afford it,” piped up Nobbo. “We had to pool it between everyone.”

“You have a shared communal car?” said Cormac.

“Rotas are a nightmare,” said Tim.

“I’m going to run the plates,” said the police officer.

“Leave ’em,” said the other copper. “You’re off duty, Nish. Just leave it. For once.”

“Okay,” said Nish.

“You’re a great copper. You just need to know when to relax. Switch off. Do a bit of self-care.”

“You’re right.”

“Just . . . do your job. Don’t let it consume you.”

“Thanks, Harry.”

“Don’t mention it,” said Harry, looking sadly at Nish’s wedding ring.

The lads were getting up.

“Okay, let’s go,” said Tim.

“You’re not coming,” said Cormac.

“Course we are! It’s our car!”

“Also we’re not doing anything else,” said Nobbo a little sadly.

“Road trip! Road trip!”