My eyes are wet, sticky, but I notice a glow in the corner. A big bright halo of light on the carpet. It can’t be a stray light coming in through the window. The curtains are closed. I blink through the tears, and it’s still there. I lie there, still as a statue for a long time, and try not to sniffle too loud.

It looks like a star. Perhaps it’s a shooting star that has landed on my floor. I should make a wish.

But I can’t string words together, even in my head. The sound of me cursing myself still rings in my ears. So, I watch it. I wait for it to reveal itself as an illusion — a mirror angled the wrong way, or a light from the street peeking through a coincidental crack in the curtains. I wait for it to disappear.

It stays right where it is. I struggle to keep my eyes open, to see what it will do next, but in time, I lose the staring contest.

six

THAT DELICIOUS DREAMY FEELING

仏の顔も三度まで

Even the Buddha, after three times

In a quiet forest upon a mountain, on a cold autumn night, a wide dirt path winds through an assortment of trees: thousand-year-old oak, majestic redwood, thick reedy bamboo, baby spruce, short fat pine, many others with no names. The sky is red, the grass is a tawny brown, and the moon is bleeding. There are no sounds except for the tap-tap-tap of a wooden stick on the dirt road. There are no living creatures, save one: a young man down the road, walking in silence, tapping a long stick before him.

It is the first time in many years that Zaniel is venturing into this part of the woods on his own. Heart beating in his throat, he looks back over his shoulder at the house of his protector. Occupied with another woman. He can still hear their grunts and moans from here. Good, he thinks to himself. He will not go far; he just wants to know if the Yokai is out here, in the woods. Yokai do not often venture close to the house. If Zaniel is to find her again, he is certain that he must seek her out. The stick is for his own safety. The largest he could find, with a sharp point at the end for defence, and a wide girth in the middle should a demon try to tackle and bite him. A trick he picked up when he first discovered these woods. Worst-case scenario, a heavy stick to the head will shock and return him to the safety of his own bed. He hopes the tricks of the trade when it comes to dealing with certain demons still work. He still remembers their weaknesses, their flaws. Ever since Akki gave him the bracelets, however, the yokai in these parts have mostly left him alone. All they need to see are the young man’s wrists, or recognize his bright silvery eyes, and they often turn away and ignore him completely. Still, better safe than sorry. It is the new creatures that are dangerous. And, as the other day had proven, there are always new creatures about.